and dances with the daffodils

omg i am so full;

and freaking sleepy;

---

"So you think that you’re a failure, do you? Well, you probably are. What’s wrong with that? In the first place, if you’ve any sense at all you must have learned by now that we pay just as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats. Go ahead and fail. But fail with wit, fail with grace, fail with style. A mediocre failure is as insufferable as a mediocre success. Embrace failure! Seek it out. Learn to love it. That may be the only way any of us will ever be free."

- Tom Robbins

i have attained equilibrium

mm today was a mucho zen day, woke up and spent time gazing sleepily serenely at the fish pond and splashing water to scare all the koi away. feeding them was disturbing, they look so much like old men with their mouth wide open @@

oh and who knew bug zapping was so destressing; there's something that satisfies my inner sadist when i see the continuous flashes of light and hear the loud twanging sound every time a whole bunch of mosquitoes get fried. there was seriously this burnt smell in the air afterwards. bzwanggggggg; revenge mwahaha n.n

oh and i've happily volunteered to be my auntie's new (and only) guinea pig for her to practice her new found skills; ahhh~~ (she's learning aromatherapy btw, i'm glad her computer course is over cause that was a hard one to help her with @@)

okay i'm off to zen; today i am omnomnomagon no more, i am ommmmmmmmmm~~~~

and i think i shouldn't have eaten half a tub of b&j just now, i really am too... squishy. but it was too good not to, and i got to eat from the tub n.n

i feel like reading fanfic, it's been too long since i last swooned and raved over my favourite potions master :O

make me a rainbow

the week that just went pass was absolutely crazy; test after test after test and so much last minute panicking and staying up to study after procrastinating too much together with only 3 measly hours of sleep a day for 4 nights. no wonder i got cranky. urgh, and there's still 4 more papers dammit.

but yesterday was good, after the chemistry paper ying, jen and i went to jen's house to make crepes and they were super awesome. made one each with ice cream then shared one super amazing mushroom crepe with scrambled eggs and tomatoes and lots of cheeeeeeeeese (L) it was total omnomnom bliss n.n

awesome, yeah? ;)

omg and i had some pretty amazing bubbletea today :O but their only branch is so far away, what to do :(

FMB

OMGIAFSFB

(omg i am freaking screwed for blocks)

lol im a little too off balanced to blog now but

OMG

OMG

OMG

F

F

F

F

F

@@

must start on econs

RARHHHH

*GORILLA ROARS*

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY

KAI

!!!!!

(i dunno how to increase font size ><)

swimming in a fish bowl

give up, or keep trying?

---

and this is rather late but

THANK YOU DAWN AND QIANWEN

YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME (L)

;D

---

and i can't stop staring at my henna;

i want more;

i think i'm one of those people who have an irrational obsession with body art

---

it's been some time since my thoughts were so dark

---

where are you?

ASDFGHJKL;

holybananacrepe, it's the last week of holidays. NO NO NO NO AHHH I AM IN COMPLETE DENIAL *plunges head in very deep hole*

on a side note, yummmm eachacup oreo crush w mini pearls n.n

once, twice or thrice

wao, today was eventful; and since i figured i'd have to email zinc photos of tuition hw, i finally connected my phone and there will actually be photos this post! :O (but i'm still too lazy to update my phone's ipod playlist ._.)

i overslept >5 phone alarms, 2 wakeup calls and 2 semi-conscious conversations with my auntie and rushed out of the house thinking i'd be late. didn't mail PROJECT-ODD parcels (oops) and ended up a little late but very early (compared to the rest, ahem) and wandered around NEX with yp and dom until people arrived and eventually we had lunch at mad jack and the timing was super good we sat carol down and then sang the happybdaysong with the cake nicely lit up and ready. omnomnom-ed and spammed coloured instax omg so pretty n.n

and lookie, a photo of a photo of a photo! hahas dawn's "ahh so awkward~!"

then hopped down to somerset and met 鸡蛋 and then spent some time being shutter happy and other stuff :D

dinner was super dupa early with the best friends ying zinc joey jen at tcc with ice cream as dessert from cold stone (oreo overload is amazinggg~~) and ying and zinc harmonized a bday song for me (:O) hahas thanks guys for the great night and oreo cake! (L) so glad to finally see zinc and joey, last saw them before they all flew off and came back with lovely souvenirs/presents teehee. it was nice even though jen called me a lousy blow-er :( it was a very defiant candle meh, and even with all the rainbow runs we've been doing during training i think 18 candles are still too much for me; it's a sign i'm not ready to be an adult :S

oh yes omg joey the pikachu is damn cute and makes super cute sounds (pi. pi. pi. ka. chu. pi-ka-chu! omgggggg *pokes repeatedly in awe*) ahhh it's so cute i need to record it so that i can make it my sms alert tone, the stupid iphone one is annoying cause 99.9% of the people on the mrt use it and when it beeps i have no idea if it's my phone or not -.-

and i must go test out the pacman mug zinc and ying got me, i can make the hot chocolate thingy they gave us for bike hike n.n (i guess it should work even though it's not coffee/tea since ying tried it out with hot water and it worked).

wheee okay i'm in a nice happy state now *zens* (oo hopefully joey can get that berkeley disc :O)

and oh, zinc found her tuition hw :/ now for me to conveniently forget about mine n.n

and omg my right wrist feels sore, how to trainnnnnn T.T

even if the world ends

today was a couch potato day; lazed about in front of the tv from about 2.30pm to 10pm with the exception of showering time and the long arduous journey up the stairs to my room. aching too much and impossibly tired from the consecutive friendlies. urgh just thinking of the RJ team A game makes me want to shrivel up and die, just spent the whole time getting burned T.T wasn't much better today for the NP game, omg my fumbles and screwups @@ i had a complete mental block today, couldnt handle at all under pressure/in a zone ahhh i'm disappointed with myself ]<

rarh, i think i shall continue bumming about on the floor since i can't get internet from my table and 老牛吃嫩草 was quite good for a singaporean(?) production and appleseed is just weirdddddd even though the closet romantic in me kept going awwww and *sniff sniff* at all the sweet parts. omg some scenes in 老牛吃嫩草 reminded me of times that were less stressful and much more carefree. i miss being j1 :(

i officially only have 2 weeks left of being 17 D:

---

oh oh oh and omg i can't stop staring at my instax in amazement @@ teehee, i guess a mini50s/pianoblack makes quite a good 18th birthday present to myself, rarh can't wait to start using it fulltime and then i can really get to plastering my wall with random shots and have them rain down on me on super windy nights. ooo and i've got big plans for my wall, hopefully the wall decals i ordered will arrive soon in a nice little tube and my wall wont look so empty and the random things i scrawl on it will stop freaking out my auntie/mum. wheeeee~ so much empty canvas to work with n.n man, now i really wish i had signed up for that graffiti workshop with jo :( blank empty walls... oh wells at least they're not yellow. and this is so random and my tail bone hurts from sitting on the floor. aches~

rxstpxct

"So yes. It had flaws, but what does that matter when it comes to matters of the heart? We love what we love. Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect."

-The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss

today was: o.o + T.T + >< + :S + :) + :D + :/ + D< + :( + :| + :O + :) + T.T + ._. + x_x in more or less that order. let's just say it's been a day.

GUNK + FUNK

erps my attempt to make something edible failed completely today and now i feel like i've ingested too much egg and flour and arhhh i need to start studying omg like almost half the holiday is over and blah i just lied through my teeth when my mum asked if i was studying now AHHHH THIS IS BAD I'M SO GOING TO FAIL BT2 BUT HOWWWWWW. my brain has gone into permanent hibernation or maybe i just lost enough braincells to the point where studying is just beyond me already; though i seriously do feel more stupid these days, SIGH.

and i was talking to dawn and holysheep i'm so domesticated these days @@ the idea of pursuing vetmed is suddenly... not as important as it ever was. i mean if you ask me about it, the whole spark and sincerity is still there but sometimes you can really feel for something but that doesn't mean much else. and omg the point is i was telling dawn that i'm most likely going to just stay in singapore and do a very ordinary degree or whatever happens to be there or something like that. i have no ambition :/

oh wells, I AM OFF TO SHOWER AND PACK PARCELS AND MAYBE STUDY A TEENY WEENY BIT IF I DONT FALL ASLEEP.

KAI MUST SLACK NO MORE RARH.

ok this is a super random post i haven't done one like this in awhile teehee.

and gosh holidays have really just been spent training and travelling around singapore; i want to travel out of it!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna get lost somewhere :( and i need to put batteries in my super old school alarm clock so it can glare at me while i piteously try to study T.T

why is this post so random? i must have eaten too much icing sugar *facepalm*

3/6 = infinity

CHANCE.

"“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other... Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever."

- Dave Matthews Band

CHANGE.

---

wow, 1/4 of the holidays are over. i'm scared at how time flies and no matter how desperately i try to grab on to every precious second it just slips right through.

maybe ambitions are a waste of time; if you only set your sights on the long term goal you forget to treasure each and every day that will never happen again. it's just another case of whether the ends justify the means. i can't imagine studying for another 6 years after JC. do i want it enough? what do i want more? the idea of going from student to full independent adult is absolutely frightening, but i'm sick of studying already. gosh, and i'm not even 18 yet.

---

"Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, 'Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all that I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?'"

He turned his head to his shoulder as if the bird were there now.

"Is today the day I die?" he said.

-Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

---

you know, sometimes we ask each other what we'd do if the world ends in 2012. and the answers are never what we're doing now. why do we continue doing these things then?

because we live in a society, don't we? this is civilization, we rely on others for things we need and if we want something from them we'll have to give something in return. we can't break out and do whatever we really want to because simply put, there's no free meal in the world. in the end, it's still all about the price tags.

i'm not making much sense :/

i guess what i'm saying is that i hate that we can't live from day to day, we have to plan for the future but yet you never really know if you'll have a future to plan for. i always get scolded for being such a 先甜后苦 kind of person because if i can do what i want now then i'll do it. why suffer today and every day after that with the promise that one day you'll stop torturing yourself? i want to live my life, but it takes more than just courage to throw yourself headfirst into the unknown.

連隔壁鄰居都猜到我現在的感受

omg bike hike was crazy; fun, tiring and my hands still feel raw from gripping the handlebars for so long. and omg thigh burns; acheeees and i'm rather incoherent. i should be asleep still. but duty calls; back to doing inventory!

till the world ends

somehow i wonder if i'm wasting my JC life. i see so many people trying new things, taking advantage of opportunities, stepping up, working hard, etc etc and i wonder, at the end of my 2 years what would i have accomplished? and not in terms of a portfolio, since portfolios are meant to prove your worth to others, but how can i justify to myself that i haven't wasted 728 precious days of my life :/ what memories and experiences would i have collected? what would i have changed? how would i have changed? for better or worse? so many questions, and i'm too afraid to look deeply enough to find the answers because i know i won't like them.

it's not the fact that time is being wasted that bugs me, because i'll always be doing that, but rather the fact that i'm only going to be in HC for two years and most of it is over. i can never do it again. i can never be J1 again. i can never be j2 again. will i remember JC as a repetitive cycle of mondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridays with nothing more significant than lectures, tutorials and trainings interjected with random school events? right now thats more or less what it is; i trudge through weekdays, look forward to weekends, drift through weekends in a funk, bemoan the start of the week, rinse and repeat. rather pathetic, i'd say.

but i don't want JC to just be period of my life, i want it to be memorable. i want it to be something i'll look back on and miss so terribly that my eyes will tear up and yet i'd still be smiling because it was so beautiful and we were all so young and alive.

30 years

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

violent moment

ahhh this calls for drastic actions;

ok gotta get everything back on track.

discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline discipline

autonomy

tired tired tired; and desperately in need of distraction. have not done any of my tutorials/assorted homework nor studied for econs. how did my weekend go by so fast?

anyway, because i was thinking about jersey numbers and am such a HP junkie, i went to google arithmancy and this really interesting thing turned up. so just to kill time, i quote...

"The most basic form of arithmancy is used with the names of people you want more information about. First, you must convert the name into a number. Each letter of the alphabet corresponds to a number, as shown in this chart:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

A B C D E F G H I

J K L M N O P Q R

S T U V W X Y Z

Next, you "reduce" your number by adding your numbers together until all you are left with is one digit.

When working with someone's name, you can calculate three different numbers for them. The first, called the "Character Number", can be used to find out the general personality type of the person, and is derived by using all the letters of the name, as we did above.

The second number you can calculate for someone is their "Heart Number". This represents the individual's inner life and can indicate desires and fears hidden from others. You calculate it as we did above, but using only the vowels contained in their name.

The final number you can calculate for someone is their "Social Number" and is calculated using only the consonants of the name. The Social Number represents the outer personality, the face an individual shows to the outside world."

to make things easier, here's the link for the calculator to get your three numbers and then the chart that explains what those numbers supposedly mean.

my results were

Character: 2

Heart: 3

Social: 8

which is... scary. after all, wouldn't you be scared if you could "be the pinnacle of success or the depths of failure". i know which way i'm heading towards right now, sighhhhhh~

anyway, more at: http://www.beyondhogwarts.com/harry-potter/articles/an-introduction-to-arithmancy.html

and i am now done killing time; hungry~

-----

"I think I’m afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens."

- Charlie Brown

that rather applies to me, except the cause and effect link is a little different. imminent sadness usually induces a sudden and unexpected high in me before i go crashing down.

forget your fear of falling

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."

- Jim Morrison

i want to write more, but i guess now isn't the time;

hang in there.

now now now

i have this strange desire to fall into a giant puddle and lie there staring at the sky as big fat raindrops splatter all over me; maybe it'll rain during training tmr :D

hello i am

"Few of us get to know and understand the moment when our childhood ends and out adulhood begins. In childhood, all our feelings are simple and easy. Nothing is really very complicated. We want this; we can’t have that. We love this person; we don’t love or even like that one. We’re excused from responsibilities or agree to our little chores. Our decisions are about things so trivial that later on, it makes us laugh at how much weight and importance we put on them. There is, after all, no greater dispensation, no excusing and forgiving coming from anything as much as from our youth. We are protected by the simple phrase, too young to know or appreciate the full extent of her actions."
-Secrets in the Attic by V.C. Andrews

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy.
But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable.
You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real—but you create the context. And the context is everything.
The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
-Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story by Chuck Klosterman

so many books i want to read but there's no time to :(

sighhhhh eye hurts

macaroni

"You've got nothing to lose. Many people don't allow themselves to love, precisely because of that, because there are a lot of things at risk, a lot of future and a lot of past. In your case, there is only the present."

- Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coelho

------

the present's really all we've got; we can't bring the past back or push the future forward, so in the end we can only do things while we're in the here and now.

c'est la vie

Alice: That’s the most stupid expression in the world. ‘I fell in love’ - as if you had no choice. There’s a moment, there’s always a moment; I can do this, I can give in to this or I can resist it. I don’t know when your moment was but I bet there was one.

Anna: Yes, there was.

Alice: You didn’t fall in love, you gave in to temptation.

-Closer by Patrick Marber

-----

Zedka: Do you remember the first question I ever asked you?

Veronika: Yes, you asked me if i knew what being mad meant?

Zedka: Exactly. This time I'm not going to tell you a story. Madness is the inability to communicate your ideas. It's as if you were in a foreign country, able to see and understand everything that's going on around you, but incapable of explaining what you need to know or of being helped, because you don't understand the language they speak there.

Veronika: We've all felt that.

Zedka: And all of us, one way or another, are mad.

-Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coelho

"She hated the love she had been given, because it had asked for nothing in return, which was absurd, unreal, against the laws of nature. That love asking for nothing in return had managed to fill her with guilt, with a desire to fulfil another's expectations, even if that meant giving up everything she had dreamed of for herself. It was a love that for years had tried to hide from her the difficulties and the corruption that existed in the world, ignoring the fact that, one day, she would have to find this out, and would then be defenceless against them."

-Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coelho

i feel like dog-earing so many pages in this book just so that i can go back to my favourite paragraphs and read them over and over again but i somehow can't bear to deface my book like that.

and i really feel like changing this ghastly blogskin.

if all i'm dreaming

wheee this has been quite a good week and i am vaguely high even though i should be going to sleep. but oh wells, just to update this space...

"i think i wanna marry youuu~~~"

;D

and omg i'm so happy i got new cleats, my old battle-scarred pair should have been retired a long long time ago. i'm rather looking forward to this coming week; fun with the special friend and best friends, a nice rest day on friday and possible teengames on saturday. now, if only my fringe would just grow about 1000000000 times faster and all would be dandy.

and please visit http://project-odd.com to buy stuff and help us raise funds for club rainbow! we're still quite far from our targeted amount but i think we can do it! yes yes yessssss~ please buy to donate yepyeps~

and i'm craving apple strudel right now still ]:

hold the ocean in your hands

ho ho ho, PROJECT ODD's collection 2 has launcheddddd~!

NOW PANIC AND SHOP HERE

inadequate

"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you."

- Jeanette Winterson

you gotta believe them

life has been like walking 5 dogs all at once, which honestly is a real headache; but not impossible, no definitely not. you just have to keep them all in sight and step quickly before they trip you with their leashes. know where you want to go and stick to your path; deviate only for greener grass. beware of bigger dogs... and signposts that appear out of nowhere.

this is really the strangest analogy ever.

-----

ive been super tired recently, and i'm starting to neglect homework. not a very good idea, but old habits die hard :/ actually i can't remember what i wanted to post about but it's been so long since my last post that i feel like i should have one, if only just so that my future self xxx months from now wont check back and wonder "did i fall down a hole or something?" there isn't much to write about concerning school, except i think im starting to get on a lot of teachers' bad sides, oops.

attachment at mt pleasant has been amazing fun and even though weekends aren't exactly rest days anymore, i really still look forward to them. i think i'd be happy working in an environment like that, even though it's rather tiring. but i love how its so dynamic and every day is different, despite doing many routine things. but the feeling of working with animals is just... amazing and the staff there are all so friendly. i guess it'll suffice to say that i'm glad i applied for the attachment :)

ROADRUNNER BEEP ROADRUNNER

wahaha i really converted to the new blogger template, though it's not as simple as i thought it was. still needed to do some css styling cause the original template was just so... standardized.

and BLOCKS ARE OVER YOZZZ. okay so they have been for like 1 day and this is kinda late to be celebrating it but wheeeeeeeeeeeeee~ life has been good so far even though today did not go as planned and that was quite :( but ish okayz derre's tmrx and ivp will be fun. i hope earth hour/ultimate mini-outing will be too :D

and omg nydc's oreo cheesecake... @@ tonguegasmic!! i will get to trying all their cakes i dont care screw my resolutions ^^ but okay all things in moderation before i get too fat to fit through mrt gantries D:

and recently i've been thinking about things that make me happy and wow the list just keeps getting longer. maybe i'll post it one day if i can dredge it out from my bottomless pit of muses :D and have you ever wondered where the looney tunes characters who fall into big black holes end up? what could possibly be on the other side of a flat 2D plane :/

when everything but your heart aches

wow. i'm surprisingly calm this time round and i guess i should be off to start revising bio. kudos to all those who had the sense to start earlier, much much earlier. oh wells, tonight i am a vampire.

honestly, i just can't wait for thursday and the last paper to be over; i'm going to curl up and sleep for a few centuries.

freezeframe

the week's ending again :( normally i look forward to fridays and today was a special friday but because of the terrible things that take place next week, today wasn't a very nice friday. i'm just not ready for next week to happen; i completely haven't touched bio and econs and they're the heavy content subjects, which is probably why i've been avoiding them. the other two aren't doing much better either but nvm, not graded so no need to stress out over them that much. *breatheeeee* and ivp tmr, so excited~ i hope we don't get owned too badly :S

anyway, random thought: why do so many people like starbucks' green tea frapp? the other drinks are nice too! oh and random comment: the best thing about using the starbucks tumbler is that you can violently shake your frapp once it starts separating into the ice and coffee layers :D

and even more random comment: i feel like converting to the new blogger template system but it feels as if i'm betraying all my (already dying off) coding roots. no more styling #containers and .headers and just drag boxes around or select options in drop down menus etc etc etc. urgh geek moment.

okay so since this post is so random and trivial, here's a short excerpt from the story book i'm reading (yes i'm still reading them even though blocks are next week whee~)

"It starts out young -- you try not to be different just to survive -- you try to be just like everyone else -- anonymity becomes reflexive -- and then one day you wake up and you've become all those other people -- the others -- the something you aren't. And you wonder if you can ever be what it is you really are. Or you wonder if it's too late to find out." - Microserfs by Douglas Coupland

the amount of food for thought in the book is kinda amazing, especially since everything just sort of flows out in simple everyday conversational words and you don't actually know what it was in the book that strikes you or made an impact but as you read you realise that somehow you weren't the person you were when you were at page 1 and yet somehow you can't pinpoint what's changed. and wow. long sentence. but yeah, the beauty of books ^^

ok i sort of got distracted and i don't remember what other completely unrelated stuff i wanted to add so tata for now~

omfgggggg

this is not a good different.

where did my priorities and self-control go?

you make my heart have premature ventricular contractions

last words of...
sirius black
albus dumbledore
charity burbage
dobby
fred weasley
severus snape
tom riddle

i can't believe how incredibly distracted i am today and i feel like indulging in some harrypotterfanfic goodness but wow, it's been 3months or more since i last read one. i'm amazed how i managed to quit my biggest addiction without any withdrawal symptoms. even my sis noticed :O

and i've taken to looking at photos of amazing food and wondering where i can get them. this is very counterproductive. and even though it's way too early... *hints zinc/ying*

birthday cake maybe? ;D

and gosh it's been going round and round in my head:

so beautiful~~~

my heart is like the open highway

hellos me homeys~ it's been awhile again and this week was generally kinda awesome till i had some really unintended flipout yesterday but oh wells, what has happened has happened. i'm kinda freaked out by how i have to start figuring out my future and then working to make the future i want happen but that's for another day. need more action and less procrastinating/regretting.

but main point is, VISIT PROJECT-ODD.COM yeah~!
(and i present to you, the xinlin shrine lollll @@)

yepyeps, all profits are donated to charity, meaning Club Rainbow (Singapore) in this case. They help children (and their families) who are suffering from chronic/life-threatening illnesses and oh gosh i have typed that out so many times i feel like such a doofus. i hate that i have to try and add emotional hooks just to get some people to purchase stuff. like cmon, we're not even asking for donations or anything and people have to give so much crap then backout/deadbuyer and all that rubbish. ok nvm. and oh the collection actually launched monday 7th march and i'm only posting now because i am the ultimate lagger tyvm.

gee, what a random post :/ and listening to acoustic bon jovi songs in the car was really kinda surreal *.*

when you know nothing at all

i wanted to post something as a reminder to myself the other day but never got to doing it. but i guess there isn't much time to do that today too so i shall try to not... ramble :/ (omg blood donation was rather surreal)

anyway, it's strange how the people who should be the ones encouraging you turn out to be the ones who make you doubt yourself the most. they'll never see these words, but thanks for all the constant reminders to "stop pretending, you know you can't do it". many years ago i thought i wanted something but you all told me that i didn't actually want it, so geez okay maybe i didn't know myself and you guys knew better.

that said and half a lifetime of doubting myself later, i realise that i do still want that, so i think it's time for you people to shut the fuck up and not tell me what i care and not care about. you don't know me anymore. perhaps you did when i was younger, but i've changed and it's time that you stop acting like you know better. you really don't, because you only see what you want to see. but warped as it is, i'm still thankful because the self-doubt and self-reflection only helped me better understand myself. i know what a terribly flawed person i am and there's no need for you to throw it at me every single day. and really, please don't presume you know the motivation behind my very action because honestly, you couldn't be more wrong.

some part of me wonders if i turned out the way i am because of what you said, that i don't care because you told me that i didn't, that i'm lazy and self-centered and irresponsible and goal-less and shallow and useless because you told me that was the kind of person i am. but that's just me trying to push the blame to you and self-fulfilling prophecies, because in the end i guess it's my fault for being so weak-minded that i believed everything you told me.

that stops now though, because i'm not some impressionable young kid anymore and i don't want to be the kind of person that you say i am.

"The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of star stuff."
- Carl Sagan

asdfzxcvjkl

dammit i was supposed to be doing work; urgh distractions T.T and i wish my lappie's graphics thingy will stop randomly crashing. and i want to make a new blogskin again, it's been way too long and this skin is pissing me off; too muted rarh. oh and i need to make a skin for project-odd~ ok this is really random :/ and i hate it that i piss myself off and yet still do nothing about it.

---

"There were people who believed their opportunities to live a fulfilled life were hampered by the number of Asians in England, by the existence of a royal family, by the volume of traffic that passed by their house, by the malice of trade unions, by the power of callous employers, by the refusal of the health service to take their condition seriously, by communism, by capitalism, by atheism, by anything, in fact, but their own futile, weak-minded failure to get a fucking grip."
- Stephen Fry

i need to freaking get a grip on my life; must. not. screw. this. up. any. further.

just a fucked up girl looking for my own peace of mind

and in my mind too, for that matter

shooting stars through your heart

most of the photos are by my sis, it was quite funny to come home and find her busying about my room in semi-darkness. and i think i've been playing too much henhouse, my eyes are going a little @@. anyway this is me procrastinating again~~

on a history book page

"How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us? How is it we can survive them, at least for a little while? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise?"
-Don DeLillo

-----

it's been awhile since i blogged and it kinda bugs me to leave such big gaps in my entries; i'm just the kind of person who likes to be able to trace how i've spent my time. so yeps, cny was cny, lots of omnomnom-ing and visiting with the ying jo zinc chels was beyond awesome. the same old chomping away at all the snacks and then pingpong at zinc's again.

2010...



2011...

cool right? ;D and lol ying and i are a joke teehee. our expressions (L) oh that reminds me, i have random sequences to gif >D tee hee hee. and yay more photos for my wall :D and not the facebook one, because if you thought of that first you seriously need to stop thinking of that site; my sis stayed up all night replying to her birthday well wishes, tsk.

oh yes, my parents baked a cake for her :O nothing compared to the one zinc made for ying but hey, i'm impressed haha.

and oh yes, orientation campfire was... nostalgic.


i just look at the j1s and wonder, wow were we really that happy? jc was a whole new adventure, and quoting our batch song "this ain't just another journey, not just another story, it won't be just like the rest, cause hwachong's ours to remember". the memories (L) - gotta hold on to them and make many more.

"No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel someday."
- Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk

but i believe

thought about so many things today, but i guess this isn't the place so a very belated
HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!
---
live like you're dying,
because you are.

one foot front of the other

well hello again folks, it's been awhile. school, as usual, was a mad rush of tutorials, assignments, lectures and all that. i don't really know what i want to blog about because too much time has passed too quickly and i can't discern one day from the other. so yes, school is tiring. and seeing the j1's orientation just makes me envious and scared at the same time. because wow, we're really j2s now. it's our last year; gotta make it count.

rarh okay i got distracted by some stuff we were doing in gp today. being a free thinker just leaves too much grey area to cover and i can't decide what i am. do i believe in god? well i guess so. but a specific god? not really, i don't actually know enough about any anyway. so i guess i'm a deist?

ok so back to trying to recall how i just spent the last 10 ten days and... i don't remember. someone should just hit me on the head, multiple times too. actually no i take that back, i think too many people would want to try :O

oh oh oh yes i remember now :D and all the happy feelings have flooded back in and this is an awesome floaty feeling and i'm not making sense. right. so sat (22/1) was SAT day then tuition then paranormal activities 1 + saw 7 at home with good company. basically involved lots of ceiling-staring and other things; pretty amazing 24 hours yes... monday (24/1) home-based learning so nothing big about that. late night walk was (y) hahas.

and then school started again and then everything is just one blur of too much work and too little sleep. oh yes, first h3 pharm chem lecture and tutorial. zzz i'm not sure if i can handle it but we'll see. and then this weekend... went for training on sat then tuition then movie.

and ahhhh i can't get over what happened today. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. it was so... coincidental. and all because of a fortune cookie. ah well, what's happened has happened. i'm rather relieved that it's finally out.

cause everybody's heart don't beat the same

you mean it's only been two weeks?!
god it feels like months already;
so unbelievably and depressingly tired.
---
"Where did the past six minutes go?
When time is used up, does it go to some kind of place like a junkyard?
Or down a river like the waters beneath Niagara falls?
Does time evaporate and turn into rain and start all over again?"
- All Families Are Psychotic by Douglas Coupland

we all live in a yellow submarine

yes i'm feeling nostalgic;
i'm glad we had so much fun when we still could.
---
it was a good day today, i guess growing up just brings in new kinds of fun ;D

the walls they crash through

we accept what we think we deserve;;

"Then, I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be."
- The perks of being a wallflower

expecto patronum

should i sleep early today? there's so much to do and study, but it's not going to make much of a difference anyway. i'm too distracted, wasting time, etc. and see, this is why my blog posts are always so shallow, i just type without much thinking and all these random surface thoughts just find their way into the little box on the screen.

anyway, since being a student for the most part of my life has left me defining my calender years as school years, the year doesn't feel like it's started yet so therefore by that same illogical reasoning my new year resolutions are still on time.

1. stay close to the people that matter
2. don't let the bitches and bastards get me down
3. read many many many beautiful books
4. eat more good food and drink lots of starbucks dark choc mocha
5. lose the weight i gained in 2010
6. retire from my position as professional sloth and become an active potato (so that i have some chance of accomplishing number 4)
7. attain muggerhood
8. do well for a levels

:/ i wonder if they're in order of importance; honestly, i'm not sure.

rainbows for your eyes to see

so i guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.
and maybe we'll never know most of them.
but even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from,
we can still choose wherever we go from there. we can still do things.
and we can try to feel okay about them.
- the perks of being a wallflower
---
i'm feeling very... empty.

there's a hole in the ceiling downstairs

so damn happy;;

there's a song that you can find in every moment of your life

how weird. i opened and closed the blogger tab so many times. i just stared at the little blank box and wondered what i should write because there are so many small little things i feel like mentioning.

like how i finally bought a very simple bag after a very long and complicated consideration and even though the more practical side of me is aghast at my choice, the rest of me is quite satisfied with it. it's like... a rectangle with straps. like honestly, i don't think bags can get any simpler and i just like how deconstructed it is. but boy am i going to suffer for it when i have to carry more things/dig around to find stuff. oh wells, it would have been too easy to just buy a different coloured clone of my old 'yellow' bag.

oh and finally saw the best friend again after so long. kinda cool actually, since i saw jen on tues, zinc on wed, and ying today :D anyway we wandered around for a long time doing some general window shopping plus bag scouting on my part. lunch at 'swensons' where we underestimated the amount of food we ordered but mmmm it was good. then more dittering at the 'zinc' shop and as ying said, we were doing the exact same thing this time last year. hahas, thanks for tolerating all my indecisiveness and nonsensical ks-ism.

okay so i have more rubbish to add but ive been tasked to go fool around in photoshop again so that's all. and that reminds me, i want to change my blogskin again! need something simpler. this year is a time for simplifying everything, life's too complicated as it is. oh and i changed my wallet to a much plainer one, no more conical studs but it's lime green with hot pink insides. awesome yeah. oh and ahhh i want to make a tumbler cover for myself. gosh i have nothing inside the slot now and i feel weird when i drink from it cause ppl can see the water moving down and it just feels very awkward. i don't know why but it makes me feel very embarrassed hahahaha. oh wells, since bio review test is on friday (hooray!) i have time to go come up with a black and white one. gah, my mum refuses to buy ink because she says it's expensive :(

oh and random but i like the new starbucks logo!

ok off to be a little geeky again, tata :D

the fine line between genders

wheeee we finished our ultimate banner for open house today, it's amazing how fast it was done. then again, it was mostly spamming of black paint and it looks so pretty even though the people all have weird oversized calves. and teehee, in the end we actually did have a girl sky the guy, how awesome :D

oh and eeps, the holidays are ending super duper soon and dammit that really sucks. i don't think i can go back to whole repetitive process of school and my time table is all foreign. plus a possible h3 too and project odd which we must reallllyyyyyy start soon. that one will take up a lot of time sigh. the school year hasn't even started and i already have so much work backlogged. damnnnnn.

okay anyway this is a random post because i'm avoiding having to decide between staying up to do work and sleeping then waking up early instead. but this is strangely my more productive period of time in the day and i'm just procrastinating again D:

oh and okay, random trivia: Triskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number 13 :O and looky, there's a "kai" in it! lol ok sorry i'm procrastinating and i do strange things like this. and the "kai" just means "and" in greek according to wikipedia awwww.

ahh peas in a pod hahahahahahahahahahaha. ok that was even more random. but oh damn the peas may start mutating nooooooo~ and lol probably only yingsiu would understand what i'm going on about.

and holyshit my sis had "the kite runner" all along and i could have just read that for the book review instead of struggling through "brave new world" and since i'm only at page 70 after a week, it hasn't been a particularly successful struggle. time to give up on a losing battle and chiong kite runner!

and this is a really really really random post. tada~! lol ok i'm weirdly high, especially since i got scolded/nagged at for coming home late but i think my mum just doesn't have the kind of anger stamina to be pissed at me so after two short rants on the phone she just ran out of steam. i guess it's just the way it is with things like this. like... she wants me home not too late, i end up late, she scolds me, i actually don't try to start an argument (unlike a certain other person), she thinks i'm suitably chastised, we move on. works out fine for us both since i don't start avoiding her calls and she doesn't start demanding i get home before the sun sets everyday.

and ok after all this random rambling i have decided... to do a little work T.T

with your words like knives; and swords and weapons that you use against me

today was generally a good day, though sometimes i think i'll be a lot happier if i just slept earlier. and it's not the sleep that will help, just the not staying awake.

anyway general recap, dinner with thirteeners at beautyworld on 30th and lunch with them again at plaza sing on the 1st were good. it's nice to be with people who already know you, the comfort of familiar ground i guess.

the last day of the year was kinda nice, though it ended on a semi-sour mood since we started arguing on the way home. didn't have a countdown but neighbours did and... oh forget it i can't bring myself to write about it here because it feels too... exposed and i'm the kind who'd rather add salt to my wounds in private. so moving on...

today was nice, had bbq for dinner and finally got to have some alone time to laze around and i felt a lot better until... awhile ago. i miss my metaphorical rock a lot. i think i just don't like having responsibilities. school hasn't even started and it already feels as if there's always something someone needs me to do that i haven't and god i don't even want to think about my work.

ok no more random rambling. tata.

"It’s easy to be miserable. Being happy is tougher — and cooler."
-Thom Yorke

these are our glory days

happy new year everyone!
and i don't know about you, but i'm going to try my best to make this new year a happy one; time won't stop just cause you're sad so don't waste your days of being young and reckless, they don't last forever.

blind; but not for the reasons you'd think

i'm learning to be grateful for even the smallest things.

holyasdfshit

this is unfair.
why were my pups never that fluffy D:
i feel like i missed out on some amazing part of their growing up!

it ish me, the omnomnomagon!

today seems to be a day for bad grammar and spelling :/

omnomnomagon says:
lol
zzz i just misspelt a lot of word
and is there only 1 s in mispelt?
ying hui says:
ummmm
i think there are two
omnomnomagon says:
eww
i just pealed
this giant flake of dead skin
off my elbow
ying hui says:
PEELED
omnomnomagon says:
oh
damn

and for being gross too i guess. and damn, my elbow really is molting. ewwwwwww.

and i have recently discovered a love for starbucks' dark mocha! its awesomeeeeee~ and i used up 3 packets of jam for my waffles today; ah waffffleeeeesssss and jammmmmmm *inserts smug satisfied face*

and today i was reminded of why i do not like bugis street. bleargh.

and i wonder, if i change my msn nick would i stop feeling hungry all the time...
nah :D gah i give up i will go find something to devour and wow it's been awhile since i did random frivolous posts like this. teehee, i must be in a good mood. either that or all the sugar i ate today is sending me into a random high; its kinda nice -- all the more reason to go snack ;D

oh and i forgot, hello my fellow waffle-loving friend! it's been awhile since anyone except boring old me used this space, so come post more please!

hello hello!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU KAI ^^

you're very awesome.

love, the one who loves waffles as much as you do.

fishtail braids

okay so this post is as random as the title and photo above, but i just felt like sharing some quotes that i can really relate to or i feel explain some amazingly complex thought in an amazingly understandable way.

"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here."
-Richard Dawkins

"As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things, and I will hit rock bottom again and again. Again and again I will suffer; again and again I will get back on my feet. I will not be defeated. I won’t let my spirit be destroyed."
-Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto

"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first."
-Jim Morrison

"One had to expect very little-almost nothing-from life, Aaron knew, one had to be grateful, not always trying to seize the days like some maniac of living, but to give oneself up, be seized by the days, the months and years, be taken up in the froth of sun and moon, some pale and smoothie-ed river-cloud of life, a long, drawn-out, gray sort of enlightenment, so that when it was time to die, one did not scream swear words and knock things down, did not make a scene, but went easily with understanding and tact, and quietly in a lightly pummeled way, having been consoled—having allowed to be consoled—by the soft, generous, worthlessness of it all, having allowed to be massaged by the daily beating of life, instead of just beaten."
-Bed by Tao Lin

dreamcatchers

hello and merry christmas folks. i guess i have a lot to update but i'm too lazy again and it's 2am. anyway, so today, meaning the 24th since i have yet to sleep and i wonder why, basically went out with some of the frisbee peeps and played pool and bowling and then went for the usual christmas party at uncle's house.

so the whole day alone has left me with a lot of things to muse on, plus some things that popped up randomly while i was in the shower, but again, too much to write about now. maybe i'll sit down and reflect on them some other time... lol yes, reflect, and voluntarily too.

so yeah... things that i need to learn to get over and accept and not be ashamed of; remembering that there will always be people who look down on you and will never accept you for who you are but yet its not worth it to change for them because you are who you are and always stay true to yourself because few others will stay true to you; there's nothing wrong with being invisible; what would it be like if i met myself and we would probably never bother to become friends but if we ever did it'd be amazing; people always say we should choose the right friends but that's stupid cause in the end we're just surrounding ourselves with people we already like and we'll never learn to accept others for their differences; how do we and should we hold on to friends when life pushes us in different directions; i'm a terrible friend; i rarely have any expectations in life and does that make me too easily contented or is it okay to just be happy with a simple mundane life that some other people might very well consider pathetic... and more but i need to sleep my brain is being overworked. i can practically imagine all the random muses jumping from synapse to synapse and something's going to combust soon.

and i bought a dreamcatcher for myself today :D it's so beautiful. its the third one that's hanging in my room but i can't get over them. there's just something about that combination of beads, feathers and weaving that calls out to me and just seems to make me feel better and more light-hearted. and they put lots of wonderful images in my head but nvm, i'm not going to write about that because somehow it just feels too personal and it makes me uncomfortable. and wow, a topic that makes me uncomfortable lol. and even though i've said it already, my new big-ass dreamcatcher is amazing, though i almost bought some mega-ass one but i shall continue lusting over the giga-ass one because even if i do get it one day i'll have no where left to put such an amazing work of art.

tis the season to be happy

stupid bloody cycle

or just being plain retarded :/
---
sometimes i feel as if i'm just bursting with things to say,
but then i'm just too tired to say it.
need to work on that sleeping thing.
---
this sucks. big time.
i was feeling all fine and dandy before this random onslaught of sadness hit me;
i don't even remember why i felt sad, except that earlier today i shelved it away with a,
"deal with it later when you're alone"
and now i'm just being irrationally sad,
and affecting other people with my misery.
i really need some time with the pillow.

the passed week :D

and as we lie beneath the stars; we realize how small we are

wow, has it really been so long since i last posted? time sure flies :/

i realised that at the end of this year, i won't have much to show for the days and nights that are now long gone. no fantastic grades, no amazing achievements, etc etc. but strangely enough, i'm happy. if i had to go through this whole year of ups and downs again, i would because i like where i am now. as a student, i have nothing to my name. but as just another girl growing up, another human being, i never want to lose what i have now. it's not something that can be shown, written down or measured but it's the kind of thing that makes me smile for no reason at all. it keeps me laughing; it makes me believe again.

in the end, i'm grateful for all the people who have been there for me; i only hope that i was there for you too.

and as they say, a life is meant to be lived; i'm going to relish every moment of it.

melodrama; take two

honestly, i'm not particularly sad or depressed but i'm bored :/ well i wasn't particularly bored since i was reading a really fascinating book, where this guy straps his victim to a table with a mirror above for them to see themselves and proceeds to cut off everything on the body leaving behind a completely bald head attached to just a block of torso with nothing else whatsoever. oh the eyelids, teeth and tongue are gone too. and he actually does it bit by bit, in no order whatsoever, so sometimes he removes the hands and feet before moving up to elbow and knee etc. fascinating right? and all this while playing hangman with the poor dude being dismembered. so in the end you have this... potato with a head, who happens to still be alive and can only make high keening noises with crazed eyes that see nothing but horror and pain.

perfect for brightening your day eh? to think i was reading this before training, no wonder i was a little nuts today. but anyway, the book ended. and now i'm bored. and i feel obliged to have another one of my wallow-in-self-pity posts, since my posts have been rather brief and cryptic so far. and because i need to keep a friend entertained ;)

so... i was thinking about something just now. and now i don't remember. oops.

nvm. i shall just consider some deep meaningful issue to make sure that my grey matter hasn't packed up and left to visit more happening places.

so not too long ago i was having the usual, who am i? identity crisis. well, obviously i'll never really know because the answer to that question is longer than the answer scheme for a 15mark bio free response question.

-cancels out long pointless rant that started to deviate into cashew nuts and oreos-

basically, i'd like to think that a person, this living breathing thing with arms and legs (unless they get sawed off of course) has enough depth of character that you can't define him/her in a few words. gosh, didn't english teachers always say flat characters make for a lousy story?

anyway, there are many facets of a person's personality. and i say facets and not facades. the fact that a person behaves differently around different people does not mean that one of those is just a fake or mask. it just means you're able to react to stimulus, and that is one of the characteristics of life fyi (all that bio has to be useful somehow). i mean even the ronald macdonald statue can do it. did you know, in phuket he does that palms flat together greeting the thai people all do; how cute :)

so yes, different situations bring out different sides of a person, like how a certain person can make me really vindictive and mean. but that said, i don't really think of myself as much of a bitch. not really anyway. it's a human thing to behave differently around different people. there's always the element of trust, in that how much of yourself you're willing to let others know. this doesn't mean you're pretending to be someone else (unless you actually are then shame on you you liar) it just means you're only letting a little bit of that amazing person inside to come out and play.

and damn this is getting long. i'm not sure where i'm going with all this but personally i just think people, myself included, should stop trying to stick a label on themselves, like hey i'm smart funny and totally awesome so come grovel at my feet. -cancels out a lot of unnecessary swearing- what i'm trying to say is everyone is constantly changing and that's good. it's fine to stop and think, who am i now? look in the mirror, would you like the person you see? if you don't, there's still time to change it. that reflection won't always be the same, and it won't be the addition of new frown lines or a darkening of your skin.

the thing is, in the end you're not always going to be the person you are now, so don't waste too much time fretting about your identity, or lack of it in my case, and just hang on and enjoy the ride. you'll find out more about yourself as you go on in life. thinking about it all the time won't make much of a difference anyway, because as the personality tests all say, your perceived self isn't always the same as your true self. you'll only find out the person you really are when you find yourself in a new experience and completely unsure of what you'll do next.

that's the beauty of life; and cliched as it is, carpe diem my friends.

---

okay i am back because i am still bored and avoiding having to get out of my chair. so i am a chair potato, sue me. anyway, because i spend too much of my time browsing random sites, it's time to spam some quotes.

"There are so many things that will never happen to me again, and I never noticed when those things stopped occurring. And it does not mean I wish I had my old life back, because I like my new life better; I was just shocked to discover how much of what used to be central to my existence doesn’t even matter to me anymore."
-Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman

"Remembering our past, carrying it with us always, may be the necessary requirement for maintaining, as they say, the wholeness of the self. To ensure that the self doesn’t shrink, to see that it holds on to its volume, memories have to be watered like potted flowers, and the watering calls for regular contact with the witnesses of the past, that is to say, with friends. They are our mirror; our memory; we ask nothing of them but that they polish the mirror from time to time so we can look at ourselves in it."
-Identity by Milan Kundera

"Look, it’s not that they hate each other. Or that apathy has replaced love. You can’t measure the mutual affection of two human beings by the number of words they exchange. It’s just that their heads are empty. It might even be out of tact that they’re refusing to talk, if they’ve got nothing to say."
-Identity by Milan Kundera

"When you are young, you always expect that the world is going to end. And then you get older and the world still chugs along and you are forced to re-evaluate your stance on the apocalypse as well as your own relationship to time and death. You realize that the world will indeed continue, with or without you, and the pictures you see in your head. So you try to understand the pictures instead."
-Life After God by Douglas Coupland

and this just might be my longest post ever. wow. and i realised i seem to have a problem deciphering the fine line between hunger and boredom :/

yoohoooooo~

hello world i am back to join in all the mindless computer-screen staring ;D