hello i am

"Few of us get to know and understand the moment when our childhood ends and out adulhood begins. In childhood, all our feelings are simple and easy. Nothing is really very complicated. We want this; we can’t have that. We love this person; we don’t love or even like that one. We’re excused from responsibilities or agree to our little chores. Our decisions are about things so trivial that later on, it makes us laugh at how much weight and importance we put on them. There is, after all, no greater dispensation, no excusing and forgiving coming from anything as much as from our youth. We are protected by the simple phrase, too young to know or appreciate the full extent of her actions."
-Secrets in the Attic by V.C. Andrews

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy.
But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable.
You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real—but you create the context. And the context is everything.
The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
-Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story by Chuck Klosterman

so many books i want to read but there's no time to :(

sighhhhh eye hurts