till the world ends

somehow i wonder if i'm wasting my JC life. i see so many people trying new things, taking advantage of opportunities, stepping up, working hard, etc etc and i wonder, at the end of my 2 years what would i have accomplished? and not in terms of a portfolio, since portfolios are meant to prove your worth to others, but how can i justify to myself that i haven't wasted 728 precious days of my life :/ what memories and experiences would i have collected? what would i have changed? how would i have changed? for better or worse? so many questions, and i'm too afraid to look deeply enough to find the answers because i know i won't like them.

it's not the fact that time is being wasted that bugs me, because i'll always be doing that, but rather the fact that i'm only going to be in HC for two years and most of it is over. i can never do it again. i can never be J1 again. i can never be j2 again. will i remember JC as a repetitive cycle of mondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridays with nothing more significant than lectures, tutorials and trainings interjected with random school events? right now thats more or less what it is; i trudge through weekdays, look forward to weekends, drift through weekends in a funk, bemoan the start of the week, rinse and repeat. rather pathetic, i'd say.

but i don't want JC to just be period of my life, i want it to be memorable. i want it to be something i'll look back on and miss so terribly that my eyes will tear up and yet i'd still be smiling because it was so beautiful and we were all so young and alive.