catching up

hello world! lots to update, i went to angbao river with my mum and dad last saturday to check out the CNY stuff going on, i think this is my first year going in really long :O

lol this was where i dropped the poor stitch that usually sits on my phone. ran all over the place trying to find it and when i did one ear was almost broken off :( oh but i glued it on properly today :D and i had a little accident with the super glue heehee i hope my mum doesnt realise ;D

milo balloons! not very cute but they were all over the place @@

the very awesome dudes at the first aid corner hahahahahahah. they gave me a plaster for my blister. the guy totally tsk-ed at me. the pain of new shoes, and they were just sneakers, not even heels :( 

bumper cars! i've found you! just no one to play with me -.-

this is random but ive decided this bag is too awesome to sell even though my fatass wallet cannot fit into any  of the many pockets *grumbles* i must use this bag more often even though it's probably the most inconveniently designed bag ever and i can't take anything out without needing four hands ]: i remember when i bought it i had to ask someone to get this bag down from the display hanger thingy for me cause i couldn't reach it even if there were two of me and i piggybacked myself (me is short zzz)

and i met marshy at marina square! once when i was trying the prosperity burger at macs (lol random cause zinc told me about their 1-for-1 thing) and once on my way home.

anyway, CNY was basically spent watching lots and lots of movies on FOX tv at my uncle's house and chiong knitting. my multi-tasking ability has just gone up many levels ^^

i finished my first knitting project just in time :D and nopes it wasn't for Bear, though i might make one for him since my knitting interest is going to hit obsessive soon and i feel the insane urge to start hoarding yarn. splurged on really expensive Katia yarn yesterday when i popped into the Ondori warehouse with Pam. they had so much yarn but everything was so $$$$$ i felt my heart sink with every shelf we went through. they do wholesale so it's like packs of 10/6 /5and i ended up emptying my wallet for 3 balls of reddish yarn, i need to find a nice pattern for that soon! *excited* 

and i found this old photo of my sis and i in her room, 10+ years later and i'm back in bangs *facepalm* why my face forever so fat!!! argh *grumbles*

oh and earlier today it was raining like nuts and a branch of my neighbour's tree collapsed into our backyard and smashed a hole in the roof/shelter thing of our backyard. my mum got me to take photos first thing after i woke up (around 12+? heehee ^^) cause she was thinking of checking if insurance would cover it. before i went out she was negotiating with the neighbour on how they'd have the massive mango tree cut down. the other time when jo came over, my parents and i climbed out my bedroom window to cut some of the longer branches / harvest mangoes hahahaha i think jo must have been amused. my mum and i were catching falling mangoes with this plastic bag between us like some neopets game hahahahaha. and i climbed onto my other neighbours roof like a ninja like a total wuss. i was freaking scared the horizontal ladder i was using to climb over would break and i'd go tumbling all the way down to the first floor T^T

oh and somewhere along the way i rearranged the clothes in my cupboard according to colour (excluding my denim jacket and work-ish clothes. it looks so pretty now ^^

and somewhere else along the way the supre items arrived! freaking fast, came all the way from australia in 5 days i think, totally unexpected. not all the stuff for me though, and zinc's skirt was super duper pretty! my first attempt sort-of-doing-my-own-spree and good thing nothing screwed up :S unlike that annoying woman who ended up making me pay #$@%*&@#!% for shipping *more grumbling* but i feel better after hearing about jo's case heehee

dinner today was really awesome, met up with the bestfriends for dinner and katong's I12. went to din tai feng for the first time ever and it's not bad ;D the beef brisket noodles really are very nice *nom* im feeling hungry again D: went to eat snow ice after and that was really awesome too. we had a super random talk but it was really good seeing all of them again, i guess the one part about school that i miss is being able to see everyone everyday.

and i think that's it for this post. if you're wondering why it's so detailed, i'm 1)bored and waiting... 2)testing out if noting down as much details as possible about my day can really improve my memory as this book supposedly says though i think my brain cells have just been deteriorating ever since school ended. 

his legacy

i think this is one of our best family photos, both my mum and dad are smiling ^^ my sis doesnt like it though cause she thinks she looks weird :(

i came to the rather shocking realisation today that cookie lives on in his adorable little puppies. it's hard to think of that round blonde chihuahua as a father but wow, he has kids ._. and when i look at the puppies i can see the bits and pieces that were all cookie's. especially the adorable little "socks" angel and amber have. it's... amazing to think vicky + cookie -> 5 puppies. i really wonder how vicky can be so nonplussed about the life she and cookie created together. i'm glad cookie left us such wonderful puppies to help fill the giant hole left behind in his absence.

and i now sort of understand why people have children. or at least one of the reasons. and i was telling my sis that the next generation's reunion dinners are going to be so much smaller. my parents, my sis and i, our possible husbands, and our possible kids. it's so much smaller than what i'm used to, it scares me to think how different it'll be. right now our steamboats happen around two super large round tables. our future one will barely fill up one. it just wont seem as festive anymore :/ we'll have to fill in the empty spaces with lots of cats and dogs ! or maybe my sis will have lots of babies hahahahahahaha

off the top of my head

happy CNY guys!

and yes i was bored :D

the tipping point

i'm getting more and more scared of the day A level results are released; i have so much hanging on what alphabets are printed in that column. it'll probably decide what i will do for the rest of my life. so yes, no stress. everything has been pretty smooth sailing so far and if everything just goes to hell on that day... i guess i'll just join the ranks of the disappointed and depressed. i never thought i would have stood such a chance, this is so absolutely frightening.

and somehow i'm no longer as afraid from that tv show i was watching just now, though i'm still rather scared of taxis.

anyway, it's been awhile since i last posted. i haven't exactly been busy, just lazy heh heh. basically this week in a really short list:

monday - interviewed prof j. b. and then went chinatown and came home to annoy the dogs heehee
tuesday - went back to HC and sat in a really confusing physics class, understood about 10% (which is really quite an achievement for me), interviewed prof c. c-t. (lol i finally saw what the HC boarding school looks like), early 团圆饭 ie 3 hour hotpot buffet with D, A, QW and YP (so fullll~~)
wed - slothed at home
thurs - slothed at home + went to bedok specially to satisfy a koi craving but they had no green tea macchiato T.T
fri - smu "interview" ( sigh guy who was... overly friendly @@ ) and 团圆饭 with loved ones :)
sat - made some progress on the wall decals with lc, went to old airport road for lunch, popped by ying's house to check out her london loot (lololol), picked up stuff and read the longest blog post ever.

and since i've decided that i like having pictures on my blog...

1. 2. 3. 4. doggy stalking from monday, i apologise for angel's really really enlarged face hahaha. vicky's i-am-a-firebreathing-dragon face is so cute ^^

5. 6. the awesome dinner on tuesday involving lots of beef, balls, and ice cream (argh my bald spot is back!)

7. amazingly, nice iphone 3GS covers still exist; ying got me this from london ^^

and that's it for this week, maybe there'll be photos of my wall once we finish sticking the decals :D and i'm thinking of taking down the MJ posters so that i have space to stick actual photos and instaxes, but that just feels so wrong :O

nervous

it's not what you get; 

it's what you give.

stand

this was going to be a happy post about all the things i did yesterday and today, but now i'm just feeling too angsty.

and there were bunnies

today was a spring cleaning day ! yes, i actually did some cleaning, since technically running a super strong vacuum cleaner over everything does make everything look less dirty. it's weird though, looking at all the bits and pieces i've accumulated over the years. it feels too... cold to throw them all away, but they're honestly too useless to keep. i'm just going to continue hoarding :)

and my dream catcher finally broke, but i've had it since P6 so no surprise there. and i realised that a lot of my blog posts are going to be wrongly dated, since i post before i sleep and i usually sleep past midnight :/ it feels weird not having school and being able to wake up at noon/1pm/3pm. but then again it's nice to be woken up by a bored dog once in awhile n.n

the previous day... tuesday? i went shopping with zinc and jen and i went on a very thorough hunt for a nice huggable cream knit cardigan. i saw one i rather liked but because $$ is an issue, i put it down only to regret it a lot. i ended up dragging lc back to ion after dinner on the lucky chance that it was still there and it was, yay! n.n lol shallow moment hahas.

oh i sorted through my shoe cabinet today and decided that it's time to put my foot down (pun intended) and stop buying so many shoes. or at least only buy those that i'm sure i really really cannot live without :S but i'm going to make it a point to wear my heels out more often since there's no school now (i still can't get over that; it feels as if it's still december holidays!) and i'm unemployed lol.

oh and if you're wondering why i suddenly post so many random photos, it's cause i've been bored and recently came to temporarily possess an unneeded camera (ie my sister's, who conveniently actually has school and impending O levels heh heh). so yeps, i'm happily documenting my days of bumming around.

do expect more photos of the dogs though, and maybe prince too if i can catch him, because i've been feeling the urge to stalk my dogs n.n goodnight!

a brave new year

it's 2012, wow. ok so it's been 2012 for awhile already. my last few hours of 2011 were pretty miserable, sitting alone in my uncle's front yard hoping to hang on to my fickle 3G signal. but i guess it was a rather apt ending for a very trying year. we hit 0000 in the car on the way back, and it was all together quite depressing.

i was feeling very... disappointed and somewhere inside i felt like shedding some of last year's baggage. so on an impulse i asked my sis to help me cut bangs and so by the first hour of the new year my fringe resembled a mushroom cap. think sec 1 bangs and yeps, it still doesnt look any better but luckily the regretting part hasn't set in yet. in fact, i feel pretty good. 2012 will be a year of doing things i've always thought of doing but never did. it will be a doing year !

(btw the really awesome plate of salmon and eggs was my brunch when i went to black coffee with yingzincjen on 31st, it was really really really beyond amazing. dinner was potluck at uncle's and i binged on countless bbq-ed black pepper chicken wings after all the regular potluck-y foods couldn't satisfy my carnivorous needs hahas)

so today we tried to make love letters in the very messy diy style. it was a bad idea hahas. i spent most of the time eating whatever came out of the metal tongs, which was mostly undercooked/overcooked batter. in the end my auntie took the leftover batter to make "pancakes". they actually tasted alright, and were quite good with prata curry nomnom. we had only one semi successful love letter, but i dropped it on the floor (oops) when i accidentally touched one of the metal tongs straight off the charcoal pit. and yeah, reflex actions and all, i let go of everything and squawked.

in the end i bbq-ed dinner (this is probably the first dinner where everything that was homecooked was prepared by me heh heh heh) and i have no idea why my charcoal looks purple in the picture. rest assured i did not use sinister-looking purple charcoal hahas.

and i've been browsing job vacancies using those funky online job databases and all the admin jobs are a really big turnoff. i mean they're probably more useful for my future, since i get some insider experience in corporate/business-y jobs but... really. i'm 18, i want to do something fun and dynamic and exciting and spontaneous. i guess there are probably some healthcare jobs, but i'm not going to take up medicine and i don't think i'll be studying life science in uni so... it sounds more interesting but i don't know if it's the right choice to apply for. i saw a rather interesting business-y vacancy, but this one sounds a little more scary than what i'm ready for. i just want to be able to work from home at my own pace and my own time with cup noodles to snack on at 3am in the morning :( or instant lasagna hahas, it's actually not bad (even though it resembles a block of frozen yellow and red playdoh)

this week i'll be going to the airport on 3 consecutive days to send ppl off so i foresee my subsequent days being pretty uneventful. which means some hermit time to read fanfic and blogskin but... i need to do something! going back to those days where i isolated myself from reality is... not good.

and i've forgotten what i wanted to say after my com overheated and died on me so okay, i'm just going to post this now. btw, if you haven't seen this and you're a harry potter junky, please do so immediately. like nowwwwww~

it makes me sniffle. i grew up reading harry potter and fanfiction. it's shaped the way i see the world entirely. i've learnt... a lot from it. strange right? i still remember once i was reading book 2 at the nanyang bus stop, and someone walked by muttering, "secondary school already, still reading harry potter tsk." i've graduated from jc, and i'm still reading HP fanfiction hahas. some things will never change. maybe i'll even write fanfic this year :O

the good guy/girl always wins

yeps i'm still awake, largely cause i've started reading fanfiction and partly because i've only been awake for 8.5 hours; i woke up at 5pm see ^^ anyway the fact that 2011 is ending is really scaring me, but it's a bit too late to try and meet all my new year resolutions. as usual i'm hoping 2012 might involve a more proactive me, but since  2011 isn't over yet it feels a bit premature to start thinking of next year.

“One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” -Ida Scott Taylor


2011 was a year that changed my life in ways that i still don't know and possibly will never know. there were many terribly miserable days, but even the tough times are worth remembering.

the next chapter of my fanfic beckons so i'll muse over the 8765 hours of 2011 another day.

and those are rather messily made oreo truffles, but hey they were omnomnomgood. who knew oreos could be blended :O

grey

it didnt feel like christmas at all. i mean, i knew it was around that time of the year, what with all the cheery snowmen and santas set up along the streets, but everytime i realised that it was the 25th i still felt a little surprised. in the end, the 25th of december was just the day i came back from vietnam and held no other special significance. there was a very blatant lack of christmas cheer.

a couple of days ago i was telling dawn that life's just starting to get good. right now i'm not sure what to do with it. i have nothing to do until my ingredients come home with my mum and i can bake a little. reading just cant fill the emptiness anymore and i want to do something but i don't know what. i'm tempted to read fanfiction again just to feel something other than extreme boredom.

oh and vietnam was... just a trip we took because my sister wanted to fly in an airplane again, during which she promptly felt miserable and nauseous.

strange days

the therapeutic effects of a bowl of chocolate

baking today felt good; there was no one breathing down my back and no one chasing me to hurry up. just me, the new up-sized fridge, lots of sugary stuff, lots and lots of tissue, and the old cranky oven. and a big bowl of melted chocolate and butter (which took a really long time to prepare). i didn't feel like tinkering around with pots to made a pseudo double boiler so i just microwaved my chocolate chips and butter at the lowest heat in 30second blasts and it kind of took awhile. the rest was pretty much normal, since with brownies all you do is chuck everything in and stir. the recipe asked for nuts but im much happier with oreos so i bullied them into pieces with my rolling pin (i've never actually rolled anything with it yet) before using scissors to cut them up because my mum was complaining of the noise. she also complained that i talked to myself too much :( anyway i was attempting to make rocky road brownies, which is just a funky brownie with marshmallows, chocolate chips and nuts on top but i sort of ended up with this and i must say it's not bad :D

i made a bit of a mess cutting them up but they were really good with milk *nomz* ^^

oh and my cousin's guinea pig is super cute, it looks like the head of a mop but black and with a pair of shiny bright eyes. and it makes funny bubbling noises *_*

oh and i helped my mum dye her hair today! it was weird because i was wearing plastic gloves and rubbing brown-ish stuff into her hair @@

and my thighs still ache, but not in the nice way anymore. it's more of a i-think-i-may-roll-down-the-stairs kind of my-legs-are-going-to-collapse-under-me ache T.T

a quick bite

this week passed rather fast. actually the time since A's seems to have passed rather fast, yet it feels like it's been such a long time too :O

so monday was prom and it was pretty uneventful, food was meh~ shoes were a painful bitch but i saved $53.90 by wearing an old pair n.n staying out was nice cause town was so peaceful and empty. and yeps my favourite photos grabbed from facebook plus a few more :D

tuesday, wednesday and thursday were lazy sloth days n.n

friday went for training and it feels good to be moving again in that rather painful but strangely satisfying kind of way.

and that's it for now until i find something exciting to do with the rest of my december :)

preheat

omg after prom this will be me

if only

right now i wish i had hope, but i don't. you took it all away in one swift night. just a couple of hours really. what are you trying to prove? that hope is better than nothing? why must you be so cruel?

and no warning at all? why him? why now? why so soon? why like this? why couldn't we have more time?

the regrets just keep piling up. i'm sorry. i'm so so so fucking sorry. i love you. i love you so much and you're going to stay in that special place in my heart even if i can't hold you in my lap.

how am i going to survive going through this 4 more times? there are only so many blows a person can take.

fragmented thoughts.

i miss you. i want to be able to hold you again; feel the brush of your wagging tail; the weight of you lying on my tummy. i need to stop this chain of thoughts.

the sounds inside

ironically, i miss being busy. at least when i was busy i didn't have time to think pointless thoughts. i've started on my reading almost desperately, partly because i miss losing myself in a story and partly because i need to escape my own thoughts. is this what growing up will be like? making mistakes and regretting them? my mind keeps straying back to how everything could have turned out differently, how it could have been something i felt good about and not this nagging thought that i want to fling as far away from me as i can. maybe when i have a day at home i'll get to clearing up my room and i'll stop seeing all these constant reminders. strangely enough, on days when i can sleep in i can't. woke up at around 5am today even without an alarm that i forgot to set, and couldn't go back to sleep so i went down and read my book and hugged my dogs. and made breakfast with eggs cheese bread and jam. anything to keep busy. i need distractions. im going to start coding skins again, that's for sure. i need the kind of tunnel vision doing something like that gives me.

hope can be so cruel.

never gonna regret watching every sunset

today didn't go well, quite terribly actually; i think the interviewers were just trying to get rid of me but oh wells, what's done is done. it's up to fate now, although every thing seems to be trying to tell me not to go to uk. from the insane A level papers to my knees-that-ache-on-cold-rainy-days, maybe my mum is right and sometimes life is trying to throw you a few subtle hints that something's not meant to happen. but i'm going to need a much more obvious sign, like maybe a giant neon billboard saying "you must not be a vet", before i put all my eggs in that basket.

anyway, i've come to realise that the little mistakes i've made this past month and a day shouldn't be regrets because there really are more important things to regret. and i'm glad i've only had two so far that can contend for that heavyweight title.

a new quote i added to my wall during the A levels: once you have perceived that life is very cruel, the only response is to live with as much humanity, humour and freedom as you can. i may have typed that out before, but no harm doing it again since after all, it's usually the first thing i see every morning and it's scrawled large enough that even with my worsening myopia i can still read it without my glasses.

and my astigmatism is getting worse, its starting to make wearing contacts very very difficult; everything is just too bright.


When our time is up
When our lives are done
Will we say, we've had our fun

Will we make a mark this time
Will we always say we tried

We're standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out

Standing on the rooftops
Wait until the bombs drop
This is all we got now
Scream until your heart stops

and i was playing guitar hero with my sis and dad just now and doing a lot of random screaming. my voice now sounds like a grizzly bear's. grrrrr~~~

called to the horns

i am very very worried for friday; if they decide to ask all sorts of technical questions i am going to be utterly stumped. i have so much to revise for it; wonder whether it would be smarter to start preparing for it now or to straighten out my bio for thursday's paper first and figure out the interview stuff later.

and my attempt to understand wikipedia's quantum mechanics page was just... sad. i was trying to comprehend the Schrödinger's cat experiment but my brain was blown to bits.

oh and yes, ONE MORE PAPER LEFT ;D

AND LOL SOMETHING I FOUND FROM A POST IN 2009:

eeps. there's still the A levels, if my delicate disposition even survives that long. i think when A's come i will undergo a complete shutdown and run off into some corner of my head to play chess with myself. or, i could have turned into a rather messy pile of human innards.

i just realised that i haven't played chess with silas (my com, if you're confused) in really really long. and i'm glad that i've yet to implode and i'm happy to say that i probably won't. my delicate disposition seems to have manned-up from increased exposure to testosterone and mind boggling exams. and econs. oh econs, the pains i went through just for you.

oh and yes, zinc and i were talking about the existence souls on the bus ride home today (lol our discussion was very philosophical) and i got reminded of noetic science from 'The Lost Symbol'. but thats irrelevant, cause in the end we concluded that we'd find out when we find out, which hopefully wont be soon.

i'm not sure what the point of typing that out was, but it's useful in case a couple of years down the road i start wondering what i did/talked/thought about back then. which is actually something i do once in awhile, like today evidently.

anyway, i shall go back to feeling very demoralised by all these uk students who have so much work experience that is so varied that i wonder if i even stand a teeny tiny chance. but what am i supposed to do since singapore has no lamb farms! nor cow farms! and too few stables! oh wells, i will find out when i find out. here's to hoping tomorrow will be a productive day, toodles.

now and again

that strange unpleasant feeling :/

Au Jour Le Jour

"But feelings are just having a picture on the screen in your head of what is going to happen tomorrow or next year, or what might have happened instead of what did happen, and if it is a happy picture they smile and if it is a sad picture they cry."

"And when you look at the sky you know you are looking at stars which are hundreds and thousands of light years away from you. And some of the stars don't even exist any more because their light has taken so long to get to us that they are already dead, or they have exploded and collapsed into red dwarfs. And that makes you seem very small, and if you have difficult things in your life it is nice to think that they are what is called negligible which means that they are so small you don't have to take them into account when you are calculating something."

- The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

it's nice to be able to start reading books again, there are so many i want to open and lose myself in. and i used to do that thing where i think of how very small i am in the greater scheme of the universe and it felt comforting to know how insignificant my screw-ups were. except it was really hard to find stars in singapore and i just end up wondering if i'm looking at a star or airplane. but it's nice to know that this same star was shining down on us back then and the starlight i finally get to see today (or not) is something we sort-of shared.

and i'm thinking i'm sort of obsessed, but sometimes a memory helps us to be a little more brave in a frightening world. and that's the beautiful thing about memories. you see everything through rose-tinted glasses and the good will always be there to give you strength and warm fuzzy feelings; and the bad can get the hell lost.

saudade

it's moments like now that i wish i could dig a hole and disappear for awhile

mess mess mess

i can't bring myself to pack everything up, the idea of filing away notes is so depressing i'd be so much happier just throwing everything out the window (though i'll probably regret it later zzz). A's are sort-of-over and i can't wait for them to be officially over. i wanna play ultimate again. and go shopping. oooo i sent my dress for alteration today, hope it turns out okay n.n

and i just bought blueberries, can't wait to bake something with them before my auntie eats them all up ]:

a long way down

Our life is made up of time; our days are measured in hours, our pay measured by those hours, our knowledge is measured by years. We grab a few quick minutes in our busy day to have a coffee break. We rush back to our desks, we watch the clock, we live by appointments. And yet your time eventually runs out and you wonder in your heart of hearts if those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades were being spent the best way they possibly could. In other words, if you could change anything, would you?
-Cecilia Ahern

the s-thing-that-must-not-be-named (and it isn't sex lol)

something ying sent me and i'll do since i'm keeping today s-word free n.n

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
鸡蛋
2. Are you loud, outgoing, or shy?
a mix of all 3? but more shy n.n
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
鸡蛋
4. Are you easy to get along with?
of course n.n
5. Have you ever given up on someone, but then gone back to him or her?
why would someone give up on someone?!!
6. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
he'd probably be more drunk lololol
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship 2 months from now?
i hope so!
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
鸡蛋
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
not particularly, unless its really really deviant; like whips and chains deviant ._.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
hmms... what is considered deep? probably joey?
11. What does your most recent text say?
i was really confused too @@ ... ...
12. How do you feel about abortion?
an option that should be available to every woman
13. Do you like big crowds of people?
i'm okay with them as long as they're not invading my personal space
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
yes, i really need some right now :S
15. What good things happened this summer?
what summer?
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
how many people do you think i kiss -.-
17. Do you think there is life on another planet?
probably not the kind of life we're familiar with but yeps
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
nopes :/
19. Do you like bubble baths?
love! i was longing for a nice hot one yesterday after playing frisbee in the rain
20. Do you like your neighbors?
i don't really know them, they have a very annoying dog (lol ironic i know, coming from me)
21. What are your bad habits?
too many to list but the worst would probably be my constant procrastination; i figure laziness is one of my major character flaws; that and my inability to light a stove
22. Where would you like to travel?
all around the world
23. Do you have trust issues?
kinda
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
the part where i get to eat n.n
25. What body part are you most uncomfortable with?
the knees, they're all weird ]:
26. What do you do when you wake up?
go back to sleep
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
mmm a little darker maybe?
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
my dogs and ex-cat
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
-.-
30. Do you ever want to get married?
yes, and my house will have the most epic sized bathtub! and dogs! and cats!
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
yes
32. Which celebrities would you like having a threesome with?
the only one i'm a fan of is unfortunately dead
33. Spell your name with your chin.
o.o
34. Do you play sports?
ultimate n.n
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
without tv, is this not really obvious?
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
yeps
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
nothing, it's more interesting to find out what the other person says
38. Do you think age matters in relationships?
it complicates things
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
do online stores count? it's been awhile since i bought stuff over a counter :/
40. What do you want to do after high school?
after A's? a lot of things! eat awesome food, watch old movies, play ultimate, possibly go for dance again, volunteer at RDA and ACRES and maybe somewhere else, read all my books and oops i'm thinking this question was meant to be more of a long term thing uhh i don't know
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
depends on what they did and why
42. If you’re being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
i've fallen asleep
43. Do you smile at strangers?
all the time hahahaha
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
outer space! there are very very freaky creatures at the bottom of the ocean; they're scary ._.
45. Do you want a roommate?
only if that person's nice
46. What are you paranoid about?
losing stuff
47. What was the meanest thing someone ever said to you?
you never loved her
48. The nicest thing?
i'm not saying ;)
49. Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about?
yes
50. What language do you want to learn?
i'd like to relearn chinese :/ but spanish would be fun too

there done n.n

stormy days

these violent delights have violent ends

so the first week is over and i'm exhausted; emotionally drained too. i can't stand how i've made so so so many careless and obvious mistakes. what's the point of doing well in jc exams if simple carelessness will screw up your A levels. sucks. i can't believe i actually missed out questions even. what is wrong with me??!

discipline

breathe

the countdown is scaring the shit out of me ._.
i hope the next 4 weeks go fine, i hope i can finish my papers, i hope i know how to do my papers.

please please please let me be lucky.

what a feeling

CMON CMON I WANT A'S TO END ALREADY~
but i don't want them to start :(

all the time

so beautiful~

nyctophobia

i had the strangest dream involving bear yesterday. people kept trying to wash him in the washing machine with all sorts of things and i think my sis almost succeeded one time and if she had, bear would have come out pink ._.

oh and i crashed my parents' room at 2am last night cause i simply couldnt sleep with the strange smell of mosquito incense in my room. i just sprawled on the floor with my arsenal of pillow blanket bolster and bear and i think mosquito incense screws up some of the chemicals in my brains because it tossed to the forefront of my mind some of my greatest fears. it was really really strange :/ but in the morning i got to claim my parents entire bed after they woke up and it was so good~ the perks of going back to sleep n.n

like a rainbow

urgh my body is totally crashing, and i can't study at all in my fevered state. this is such terrible timing. i am very worried about A levels, but then again, who isn't?

much much more please

this weekend has been pretty chill, if only graduating actually meant i could stop studying. saturday was starbucks with ying, but terribly hard to focus, was so sleepy and fell asleep during tuition too. but after that was movie with lc and beef chilli cheese fries (:D). both were awesome; watch 'midnight in paris' it was really cool and funny!

today was SOA with ying again, but before that we went cedele for some really nice bread and then SOA to study but again, unproductive. i spent too much time craving all the food and ice cream. mmm mango alfonso and passionfruit sorbets, garlic prawn pasta, lemon meringue pie gelato with super rich brownie (i shall bake some soon hopefully), mushroom soup with garlic toast; basically soa food is amazing, everything is super nice and i need to update my food album ;D and i spent too much time at soa watching random vids on the ipad lol and then this (super duper cute) kid came over to watch the lion king videos. ying went nuts over him lolol. i was just worried for my data booklet and MF15 but the only casualties were my 4th ionisation energy of Fe and 2sinAcosB formula but they're still readable under the orange doodles and correction fluid. and good thing mildliners dont die after being dipped in eyedrops @@

and i baked cupcakes! super sweet icing but the still-warm ones (without icing)  i tried were not bad :O (even though i fudged my way about a bit) teehee, ive been baking every weekend it feels really nice :)

i think i won't be going for all the mocks tomorrow, havent studied :S

to no end

i seem to go through this cycle every time i try and remember something i've studied before for prelims/blocks D:

sheep like that

SO CUTE !

and lol epic slack weekend,  i'm not sure how time managed to pass so quickly :O

to the reading room i must go tomorrow!

empty

you weren't the one who held her to sleep at nights; you weren't the one who cried into her fur when no one else would have understood; you weren't the one who tried to stay awake studying the most boring topics with her next to you; you weren't the one who fell asleep with her when that didn't work out; you weren't the one who put out her breakfast in the mornings before going to school; you weren't the one who brought her into the house when we got home at nights (no you headed straight for the tv); you weren't the one who hoped she'd come in through your room window when you couldn't find her outside the gate that day; you weren't the one who felt contented just petting her and hearing her loud-as-a-train purr;

you weren't the one who tried to love her; you couldn't; i did.

she scratched you and she bit you and you called her a terrible cat. she scratched me, she bit me, i just held on tighter or tried again. do you know how happy i was the first time she fell asleep in my lap? i'd finally gotten through to her. you have no idea how hard i tried to build that amazing bond with her so please, who are you to judge?

you fed her medicine once, and you think you cared for her more than i did? ha. she never meant anything to you. i was the one who choose her at spca; i named her (yes i have an obsession with naming); i loved her; love, still; always.

and i don't need to prove that to you.

kind of

i'm back in that funk where the days all blur together into a mass of reading room and bed and somehow i seem to do very little in the many hours that just fly by. i'm really worried i won't even be halfway-prepared by the time A levels are here :S

of everything

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." - Albus Dumbledore

in the sea of my own doubt

thanks to ying i've been listening to that on repeat, super nice song~

i need to start doing what i know i should, mustn't lose sight of what it's all for. i can't believe how a small and careless idea grew to become so utterly all-engulfing. i will do what must be done!

*bangs head repeatedly on hard surface*

OMG I AM THE BIGGEST IDIOT EVER WTFASD

the rise and fall

reading "the lost symbol" is really confusing, not because they use a lot of big words and foreign languages, but because so many of the concepts they suggest go against everything i know to be true. yet, the possibilities of such things are just mind-blowing. i think this is why i don't read sci-fi; i end up wondering what if this thing or that thing could be true and then i sweep my mind off its metaphorical feet. mmm vaguely disoriented right now~

omnomnomagain

wheee i updated my food album yesterday and it was so awesome looking at all the good food and i'm off to go hunt down good popiah with ying and jen, toodles~

and oh yes i got my tan back yayyyyy im black again n.n shall post the instax we took on monday at ecp soon :D

these 3 inches are beyond me

murtabak adventures with ying on saturday was omnomnom awesome, we wandered down to this zamzam place and cleverly ordered one each and got so full we were burping murtabak the rest of the day. super good and i'd post pictures but i'm too lazy n.n i need to update my food album soon yummy~

this was followed by a long overdue walk down haji land and we saw these pretty laptop cases/file thingys that we were so tempted to get but didn't D: then went to bras basah where i promptly sat on the nearest bench to nurse my aching feet while ying got her contacts before we proceeded to do even more walking to soul for the flb flea which was mega packed and spent our time crab-walking through the crazy crowds. ended up only getting some instax film which i plan to use a lot of soon :D and if i really do end up so shutter happy i shall have more pictures to plaster onto my wall @@ that sounds a little scary though so maybe i should consider getting an instax album instead hmms :/

oh and friday after chem paper was pickup in school which was really awesomeeeeeee~ wheee my feet are grossly patchy again but this is what i get for playing barefoot. but it was all worth it n.n mmm 12 more hours till after-prelims and i can finally go ecp again for cycling with the class, though i'm not sure yet if i feel physically up to cycling since i feel super tired for some strange reason even though i had like 14 hours of sleep :/ yeah, 14 i kid you not ;D it was good and filled with the half-remembered dreams that come with deep sleep.

and my back is starting to hurt from all this sitting on the floor so it might be time to lie down and accidentally fall asleep so that i can have some 8 hours of sleep and just not study for bio since prelims are a lost cause anyway. but then my guilt will come back and bitchslap me and i'll spend the rest of the day emo-ing about why i seem to have no self-discipline whatsoever. so i think i shall spend some time reading a book instead and start revision at... 10 :/ sounds like a plan, seeya~

and what a long pointless rant this has turned out to be ._.

where did the fight go

Mal: You keep telling yourself what you know. But what do you believe? What do you feel?
Cobb: Guilt.

almost almost almost

7 hours more till quasi freedom!! and lol i had 8 hours of sleep, that was pretty awesome. okay time to pack up  and go to school T.T where is my beaten up pikachu!

all packed up

(oh lol i just posted this into the wrong blog mmm might be time to clean up my dashboard oops)

my room looks livable again yay~ except it's just going to return to its paper avalanche state once i take out chem for tomorrow D< shall delay that and bask in the vast amount of floor space i suddenly have again n.n (lol strange urge to sprawl on the floor and sloth around but then i'll fall asleep and you won't hear from me again until 11pm when my sis kicks me awake as she seems to be doing quite often; ouch backaches)

anyway i can't wait for prelims to be over, each one just gets more and more painful urgh. i suddenly feel a little bit like a krill in a too big ocean. and this is unrelated, but i had the strangest dream involving cows yesterday :/

and im itching to get shoes again but i can't help it this are my female singaporean genes doing their thing (lol i actually read the newspapers today and it talked about how sg women are more materialistic :O oh wait i knew that already :/) and so, in the spirit of not hoarding, i must resist! actually i don't have a choice the monster pair of toe crushing boots i want are way out of my league but gah they are so awesomeeeeee maybe china will spew out a knock off >D zzz shoe lusting in the morning is such a bad way to start the day. i must step away from the com before i do something i shouldn't but won't regret... which is not possible, even the temptation of lemon meringue pie gelato at SOA cant make me get off my butt. phooey i shall just sit here and inhale teddy bear fur.

decreasing at an increasing rate

joey made me curious so i went to check:

80.4%, 79.0%, 75.8%, 69.8%, ...?

that is not a good trend ._.

so tell me why

OMG I FINALLY HAVE A WORKING PRINTER.
except that it's black and white only :/
and the first thing i printed was this: http://www.subway.com.sg/promotions/wk1_coupon.jpg
kinda pointless since the week is ending and cow, that is a lot of vouchers :O in black and white ._.
but omg i can print things! like this lol, black and white but still *_* a printer is so empowering~~

and lololol i have kfc subway and coffeebean in my tummy, they're going to kill each other :O
i shall root for subway :)

time to go dedustify the bear i just dug out with a golf club, i'm amazed i didn't kill anything throughout the whole process phew~


When someone sees the same people every day, as had happened with him at the seminary, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.
-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho


i don't remember that, which just means it's time to start rereading books yayyy ^^

your faith walks on broken glass

EXHAUSTED!
one week and a bit more to go; hang in there hang in there hang in there~~
the papers have been really terrible so far, especially the not finishing part and the last minute cramming. seriously, what was i doing during all those hours at the reading room???! i feel as if i haven't gotten anywhere on my revision and dammit i am so tired now i'd be crashing in bed except we had such a heavy dinner i feel as if my stomach is starting to exert gravity on everything around me. lol acio pillow~~

gotta keep reminding myself of why i'm going through all of this for; that teeny tiny barely existent chance of finally getting something that keeps slipping out of my reach. it will all be worth it! even if you don't get what you want :S as miss sun very happily told us before bio, "enjoy the paper!" which i actually do, but that's only during the process of doing and puzzling out questions. the time limit just ruins everything because you can't fully appreciate how much effort has gone into creating a question to totally screw with your head and self-confidence lololol. and then after that you're like, oh shit why didn't i write that or oh shit why no time againnnn!

i wish my digestion would speed up a little. oh lol i just got reminded of a scene i saw in a sci fi show where cute little creatures made of fat bud off people and start walking around making cute sounds. it was really weird, they just bud off like exocytosis lol. and yeah, no link.

and and and omg i can't wait for after A levels, so many things i want to do~~
trip with class to... taiwan?
trip with ying to somewhere nice and relaxing where we can just sloth about reading books (there are so many i've been wanting to read!)
some time at acres/ animal shelter to immerse myself in some furry goodness
lots and lots of ultimate
playing final fantasy!
coding a new blogskin (finallyyyyy~)
watching movies while nomming on giant bowls of assorted cereal
snuggling up in bed and never getting up
going to the beach and being a public hazard/nuisance (i miss the feel of sand and sea on bare feet D:)
long slow walks to nowhere
sleeping in on rainy days
sleeping in on lazy days
sleeping in whenever i want to
sleeping on the living room floor and cuddling with all the dogs (that actually sounds kind of barbaric lol)

and okay, i'm done tormenting myself with all the things i want to do, time to go shower now that i feel less likely to trip over my own tummy lolol. and i need to start fighting for possession of the ipad, apparently there are a lot of super cool apps! and omg i need to buy film for my instax ]< there's none left rarhhhhh~

toes crossed

what to do what to do what to do i have about 5 hours max left to prepare for econs and i haven't started i've just been sorting through the stacks and stacks of paper flying around my room and i dont know where to start oh dear T.T

and i'm such a hoarder *facepalm*

a day of prelim prep

pvsp was super fun; it's been too long since i last played ultimate and im damn unfit and damn lost all the time but it was still awesomeeeee~ prelim prep <3 i can't believe we got 3rd, completely unexpected but a very pleasant surprise :D

MAF was really nice too, especially since i actually got to stay for sodache this year n.n jumping around with the ultimate people even though our calves were gonna fall off + screaming/singing (?) at the top of our voices + no joining of human trains phew. hahas the school dances were super hilarious, mostly making things up along the way while surreptitiously following some other girl who seemed to know what she was doing, which i obviously didnt lol. it was fun ttm even though i only managed to get 2 passable instax shots (shall not try using my instax for night shots again unless extremely desperate)

my last MAF and first PvsP as a HC student; i'm really glad i went ^^

not done yet

not much, but hey it's more than i've achieved on any other day. 2 topics of bio yoz, i am so going to fail prelims but oh wells... PVSP TMR WOOHOO ;D

passed me by

WHY IS IT FRIDAY ALREADY!

turn back the countdown

omg joey i can't stop watching the project glee glee project (lol too much project odd) vids , hahas now i know why you're so crazy over it. that one is somehow my favourite, i can't get over the awesome old school denim and big hair thing. and samuel's look reminds me a lotttttt of mj ^^ oh and i still want to try your cakes :(

anyway, i FINALLY finished my first draft. i think i've been too easy on myself and letting myself drag it out so that i can avoid doing any real studying. now that it's sort of done, i need to start studying omg no time left. somehow, i seem to have achieved nothing from spending so many hours in the reading room before the holidays. why why why what was i doing... ukcat? and what else!

oh wells, time to get cracking! and i feel like ive just taken a life-changing step; but i really really hope everything falls into place in the end. i hope one day i get to work with elephants. and dolphins. and whaleesssss hahas okay now im getting carried away. but i want i want; pleaseeeeeee?

so the holidays are here, which ironically means its time to start studying really hard. sighhhhhhhhhhh~ i hate certain cycles that wont stick to the months too, just saying :(

and blogger's new interface looks so much more professional, though it really reminds me of a google doc page; creepy~ and obviously i'm procrastinating because the throbbing in my uterus is really distracting :/

no matter, i will be disciplined and do work after dinner! right :/ i think i shouldn't have ate so much ice cream at SOA, but how was i to know it was coming.

anyway, just to help me organise my thoughts... i shall do a revision plan. after dinner. food is just as good for cramping uteri as fat fluffy dogs n.n

and this was a really really random post, but oh wells i havent managed to maintain a single train of thought for very long today.

and oh yeah, i forgot to take a pic of the keep calm and carry on book we gave daryl :( my wrapping seems to have improved cause ying thought i didn't do it myself n.n and the juniors gave us really awesome gifts, but my sis says the sketch they did made me look like an octopus -.- or an orangutan :/ actually i don't remember, just that it wasn't a very nice thing to look like lolllll~

okay dinner time; ta ta~

iridescent

in an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
the government has decided to allot
each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

when the phone rings, i put it
to my ear without saying hello.
in the restaurant i point
at chicken noodle soup. i am
adjusting well to the new way.

late at night, i call my long-
distance lover and proudly say:
i only used fifty-nine today.
i saved the rest for you.
when she doesn’t respond, i know
she’s used up all her words,
so i slowly whisper i love you,
thirty-two and a third times.

after that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

- Jeffrey McDaniel

thank you

i stole the stars and hid them in my room

omg 2.5hours of assembling and fighting with industrial strength double-sided tape but its FINISHED YAYYYY! its actually much brighter but yeah, bad pictures cause my cam can't take in the dark very well. and lol, the holes in my icosahedral bacteriophage head-lookalike are cause i'm apparently more idiotic than your average idiot, cause i stuck the double-sided tape on all the wrong places and even though they gave extra strips for idiots like me, the extras still weren't enough. so yeah, i sort of improvised but everything didnt fit that well. seriously, how could those manufacturing people in china be considered "low-skilled"; freak i think assembling this took more skill than i evidently possess.

but heh heh heh, i managed to assemble it with only chinese instructions to follow kay! okay fine, and pictures too but they didn't really make much sense. i'm thinking this shall be my new night light (omg i stepped on my laptop while flouncing about in the dark just now; it's still working though. okay, right, duh, i'm blogging on it -.-) and the coolest part is that it has a power cable so i don't actually have to buy batteries. teehee, what an awesome way to use electricity >]

oh but urgh, fingers hurttttttt~