your leaving smile

okay i shall do a proper post now that my iphone is restored and i've only lost 20 days of memory/ies x_x

friday was elections for j1 exco, mm best part was the central plaza pickup and omg the lightup disc is gorgeoussssssss; whoever came up with it was a genius. we played j2s v j1s and i'm glad i got to play with the team for one last time (for now and the near future) (there's still pvsp, but i guess not everyone will be there since its so close to prelims sigh) it was so close to being a perfect night, minus some fuckup in the evening and add in you :/

today was a mega time wasting day, i just watched a 2.5 hour movie and i didn't understand the plot at all; i don't even know the title so dont ask. it was just people shooting each other and blowing things up and strange accents and lots of swearing. i feel guilty for not doing anything productive today; urgh the result of utter laziness.

and just this afternoon (i think :/ my sense of time is a bit messed up) i watched half a korean movie about this strange insurance agent who went all over trying to find clients who he signed up despite suspecting they were just going to kill themselves once their insurance could be cashed in. i didn't get that one either.

epic time wasting day :/ i feel so aimless, shall go lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. if it weren't so high i'd paint the hogwarts crest on it ]<

sigh.

an apple (strudel) a day

oh god; i hope this works @@

you set me spinning

i have wayyyyyyyyyy too much trash in my room; i spent friday and today doing some cleanup but i'm such a hoarder, i can't bear to throw anything away :(

and i can't help that i have so many shoes and bags T.T what am i supposed to do? throw them away too?? D: blasphemy~!

but hey, at least i finally got to filing my GP pile and omg it's so thick it could almost rival my bio notes :O how depressing zzz. oh and i cleared out all of last year's newsweek and the economist that i never really read, oops :S

ok i lost my train of thought, it wandered off somewhere into cyberspace to ogle at this really pretty bag that i want to get too but know i obviously shouldn't and technically can't afford *facepalm* omg i need retail therapy @@

what a frivolous post lol :/

---

"I am going to give you a piece of advice, advice I wish I’d been told back in high school, in between the don’t-do-acid and don’t-drink-and-drive films. I wish our counselors had told us, “When you grow older, a dreadful, horrible sensation will come over you. It’s called loneliness, and you think you know what it is now, but you don’t. Here is the list of the symptoms, and don’t worry, loneliness is the most universal sensation on the planet. Just remember one fact; loneliness will pass. You will survive, and you will be a better human for it."

-Douglas Coupland

the wonderful thing about photos and bluetack is that you can stick all your best memories on a wall and go to sleep each night with a smile on your face. and in the morning when your body feels too weary to get up, you only have to open your eyes to remember why you still do every day.

this is our irrational anthem

my new personal mantra:

everything works out in the end;

if it doesn't work out, it's not the end.

now, all i need is an overdose of discipline a day.

meow~

fever dreams

i guess there's a lot more to say about interjcs (apart from my earlier rather short rant) but somehow i don't think there's anything left to say.

we played, we won, we lost, we played some more. somehow, i don't feel particularly... much about the 3rd we got; not disappointed, not contented, nothing really. i guess in the end it's not the outcome but the journey that matters, and this is really starting to sound like one of those commonwealth essays they always make us write.

anyway, this coming from someone who was really upset at not being able to play on the day itself, shit happens. really nasty and cruel and well you get the drift. on saturday itself, i felt really cheated because interjcs was supposed to be the very climax of the 2 years in hcult and i couldn't damn do anything. even my disc played more than me, sigh. but i realised that it didn't matter. i got to play a few points and sure, it was really really fun playing the game, but all that says is that i still love ultimate (even though at that point in time it was just helping fry up my brain cells).

lincoln tried explaining it to me, about how interjcs was just one competition, and that there were many more, but i just couldn't get it. and strangely, i think i get it. it's not something i can explain. i don't feel extremely bummed, just grateful that i was there and part of that amazing experience. it's... bittersweet i suppose.

i can't explain it. it's the kind of feeling where you're walking along happily eating your cornetto ice cream and someone steals a chunk of it and you're all ]< before you realise that you've already had the 2nd best part, the top, and can still have the best part, the gooey chunk of chocolate at the end of the cone.

i've had 1.5 years of training with the best team ever and no fucked up fever can take that from me and there are so many better things to come so yeps, i'm a nice happy girl right now.

or i would, once i get over how that magical HP phase of my childhood just ended.

and how it really was all just a dream. it felt so real, but at least i get to hold you again in my dreams.

dreams are free, and i know you are too. i'll remember you, always.

this ain't working

ARGHHH WHAT TERRIBLE LUCK I HAVE A FEVER AND ITS ANNOYING THE CRAP OUT OF ME

and freak my dad is being an asshole D<

AHHHHH WHY OH WHY YOU FUCKING FEVER

YOU HAVE THE WORST TIMING !@#$%$%&##@$

gotta catch 'em all

this is it

in time we'll find

sigh my thoughts are in a mess, so just a quick post to sort them out.

anyway, training made me rather... pensive and i was really disappointed with myself because interjcs are a day away and i'm still not ready for them. but in the end, ready or not i'll still be there; this led me to the thought that the rest of the team will be there too and that thought really just filled me with wonder.

because even if we don't think we're that great a team, it doesn't change the fact that we'll all still be there on saturday. isn't that amazing? there aren't many people you could say that about. after all, look at how much our batch has shrunk and you know that the people still here will be the ones who'll be there next to you on that final deciding day. maybe i'm just blowing up the whole thing, but somehow being able to trust someone to be there when you need him/her is a fucking great feeling. we're going to play interjcs because the 20 other people in your team don't care how screwed up we are; we're not going down without a fight. if we win, good for us; if we don't, we tried.

but somehow, i think we've already won a much more important fight; we didn't give up. despite all the trainings taking up precious holiday (and block-test-mugging) time, we still went for the trainings. why? i have no idea why i did, and i have even less of an idea why the rest did, but i guess its something that we just did. it's not something anyone would do. many people chose not to much earlier on. and so we've come down to our last training; wow.

i suppose very few people will actually see this post, but i'm really thankful for the team that we have even if abilities-wise, we're not particularly spectacular. after all, at least i know that they're still around not simply because they're good at the game but because it means something to them. and the fact that they haven't given up on the rest of the team, and hopefully not given up on me, means a lot to me.

i guess there are people in the team who think we'll win, and there are those who think we won't. but it doesn't matter because i know you'll be there on saturday and win or lose, we'll do it as a team.

and that's really fucking amazing, don't you think?

still feel your absence

stupid i&i

my hand hurts like a bitch on fire;

sigh.

it's that time of year again where i miss you oh so terribly :/

that feeling of almost remembering

omg my mouth finally feels normal again; wtf blood oranges are gross, the damn thing killed all my taste buds and my tongue felt like this limp piece of dead meat. urgh, gross image. grosser feeling ]<

oh, i realised all meat is dead. oh wait, not true, some meat is eaten live... i think :/

anyway, the class got lectured like crazy by ms sun during bio tutorial today, i feel guilty ttm even though i actually tried to study but she made all of us sound so doomed and hopeless and it was all together very depressing. i dread to get my paper back after she mercilessly tore apart all the stupid answers we gave. T.T i predict another fail for bio. SIGH.

and omg, i found a dead... chrysalis-like thing on my wall; it was empty o_o which means some thing crawled along my wall until it found a nice spot above my MJ poster, made its little pupa, did some transforming and flew off; all this without me knowing @@ im creeped out.

... sigh i'm in a hazy state of mind right now, keep wanting to start on something but then the thought slips away and im back in semi-comatose mode ._.

the storms of life to live and love

YESSSSS IT'S OVERRRRRR~~

and i got back math already, why must mrs tam be so efficient T.T

1 fail, 4 more to go sighhhhh

INTERJCS COMING SOON OHMAGAWD

time to do conditioning D<

perform three papers to ensure reproducible misery

WTHWTHWTHWTHOMGPLANNINGSUCKS

D< D< D< D<

*UNCONTROLLED PROLIFERATION OF EPIC GRUMPY FACE*

seriously, i want to blow things up right now, preferably with very loud bangs and violent flying projectiles.

oh, blowing up marshmallows in the microwave would be nice; actually that's kind of unrelated.

I WANT TO READ FANFIC

ARGHHHHH OKAY I AM PROCRASTINATING, ASDF D<

and dances with the daffodils

omg i am so full;

and freaking sleepy;

---

"So you think that you’re a failure, do you? Well, you probably are. What’s wrong with that? In the first place, if you’ve any sense at all you must have learned by now that we pay just as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats. Go ahead and fail. But fail with wit, fail with grace, fail with style. A mediocre failure is as insufferable as a mediocre success. Embrace failure! Seek it out. Learn to love it. That may be the only way any of us will ever be free."

- Tom Robbins

i have attained equilibrium

mm today was a mucho zen day, woke up and spent time gazing sleepily serenely at the fish pond and splashing water to scare all the koi away. feeding them was disturbing, they look so much like old men with their mouth wide open @@

oh and who knew bug zapping was so destressing; there's something that satisfies my inner sadist when i see the continuous flashes of light and hear the loud twanging sound every time a whole bunch of mosquitoes get fried. there was seriously this burnt smell in the air afterwards. bzwanggggggg; revenge mwahaha n.n

oh and i've happily volunteered to be my auntie's new (and only) guinea pig for her to practice her new found skills; ahhh~~ (she's learning aromatherapy btw, i'm glad her computer course is over cause that was a hard one to help her with @@)

okay i'm off to zen; today i am omnomnomagon no more, i am ommmmmmmmmm~~~~

and i think i shouldn't have eaten half a tub of b&j just now, i really am too... squishy. but it was too good not to, and i got to eat from the tub n.n

i feel like reading fanfic, it's been too long since i last swooned and raved over my favourite potions master :O

make me a rainbow

the week that just went pass was absolutely crazy; test after test after test and so much last minute panicking and staying up to study after procrastinating too much together with only 3 measly hours of sleep a day for 4 nights. no wonder i got cranky. urgh, and there's still 4 more papers dammit.

but yesterday was good, after the chemistry paper ying, jen and i went to jen's house to make crepes and they were super awesome. made one each with ice cream then shared one super amazing mushroom crepe with scrambled eggs and tomatoes and lots of cheeeeeeeeese (L) it was total omnomnom bliss n.n

awesome, yeah? ;)

omg and i had some pretty amazing bubbletea today :O but their only branch is so far away, what to do :(