Monday, July 18, 2011

fever dreams

i guess there's a lot more to say about interjcs (apart from my earlier rather short rant) but somehow i don't think there's anything left to say.

we played, we won, we lost, we played some more. somehow, i don't feel particularly... much about the 3rd we got; not disappointed, not contented, nothing really. i guess in the end it's not the outcome but the journey that matters, and this is really starting to sound like one of those commonwealth essays they always make us write.

anyway, this coming from someone who was really upset at not being able to play on the day itself, shit happens. really nasty and cruel and well you get the drift. on saturday itself, i felt really cheated because interjcs was supposed to be the very climax of the 2 years in hcult and i couldn't damn do anything. even my disc played more than me, sigh. but i realised that it didn't matter. i got to play a few points and sure, it was really really fun playing the game, but all that says is that i still love ultimate (even though at that point in time it was just helping fry up my brain cells).

lincoln tried explaining it to me, about how interjcs was just one competition, and that there were many more, but i just couldn't get it. and strangely, i think i get it. it's not something i can explain. i don't feel extremely bummed, just grateful that i was there and part of that amazing experience. it's... bittersweet i suppose.

i can't explain it. it's the kind of feeling where you're walking along happily eating your cornetto ice cream and someone steals a chunk of it and you're all ]< before you realise that you've already had the 2nd best part, the top, and can still have the best part, the gooey chunk of chocolate at the end of the cone.

i've had 1.5 years of training with the best team ever and no fucked up fever can take that from me and there are so many better things to come so yeps, i'm a nice happy girl right now.

or i would, once i get over how that magical HP phase of my childhood just ended.

and how it really was all just a dream. it felt so real, but at least i get to hold you again in my dreams.

dreams are free, and i know you are too. i'll remember you, always.