blind; but not for the reasons you'd think

i'm learning to be grateful for even the smallest things.

holyasdfshit

this is unfair.
why were my pups never that fluffy D:
i feel like i missed out on some amazing part of their growing up!

it ish me, the omnomnomagon!

today seems to be a day for bad grammar and spelling :/

omnomnomagon says:
lol
zzz i just misspelt a lot of word
and is there only 1 s in mispelt?
ying hui says:
ummmm
i think there are two
omnomnomagon says:
eww
i just pealed
this giant flake of dead skin
off my elbow
ying hui says:
PEELED
omnomnomagon says:
oh
damn

and for being gross too i guess. and damn, my elbow really is molting. ewwwwwww.

and i have recently discovered a love for starbucks' dark mocha! its awesomeeeeee~ and i used up 3 packets of jam for my waffles today; ah waffffleeeeesssss and jammmmmmm *inserts smug satisfied face*

and today i was reminded of why i do not like bugis street. bleargh.

and i wonder, if i change my msn nick would i stop feeling hungry all the time...
nah :D gah i give up i will go find something to devour and wow it's been awhile since i did random frivolous posts like this. teehee, i must be in a good mood. either that or all the sugar i ate today is sending me into a random high; its kinda nice -- all the more reason to go snack ;D

oh and i forgot, hello my fellow waffle-loving friend! it's been awhile since anyone except boring old me used this space, so come post more please!

hello hello!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU KAI ^^

you're very awesome.

love, the one who loves waffles as much as you do.

fishtail braids

okay so this post is as random as the title and photo above, but i just felt like sharing some quotes that i can really relate to or i feel explain some amazingly complex thought in an amazingly understandable way.

"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here."
-Richard Dawkins

"As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things, and I will hit rock bottom again and again. Again and again I will suffer; again and again I will get back on my feet. I will not be defeated. I won’t let my spirit be destroyed."
-Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto

"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first."
-Jim Morrison

"One had to expect very little-almost nothing-from life, Aaron knew, one had to be grateful, not always trying to seize the days like some maniac of living, but to give oneself up, be seized by the days, the months and years, be taken up in the froth of sun and moon, some pale and smoothie-ed river-cloud of life, a long, drawn-out, gray sort of enlightenment, so that when it was time to die, one did not scream swear words and knock things down, did not make a scene, but went easily with understanding and tact, and quietly in a lightly pummeled way, having been consoled—having allowed to be consoled—by the soft, generous, worthlessness of it all, having allowed to be massaged by the daily beating of life, instead of just beaten."
-Bed by Tao Lin

dreamcatchers

hello and merry christmas folks. i guess i have a lot to update but i'm too lazy again and it's 2am. anyway, so today, meaning the 24th since i have yet to sleep and i wonder why, basically went out with some of the frisbee peeps and played pool and bowling and then went for the usual christmas party at uncle's house.

so the whole day alone has left me with a lot of things to muse on, plus some things that popped up randomly while i was in the shower, but again, too much to write about now. maybe i'll sit down and reflect on them some other time... lol yes, reflect, and voluntarily too.

so yeah... things that i need to learn to get over and accept and not be ashamed of; remembering that there will always be people who look down on you and will never accept you for who you are but yet its not worth it to change for them because you are who you are and always stay true to yourself because few others will stay true to you; there's nothing wrong with being invisible; what would it be like if i met myself and we would probably never bother to become friends but if we ever did it'd be amazing; people always say we should choose the right friends but that's stupid cause in the end we're just surrounding ourselves with people we already like and we'll never learn to accept others for their differences; how do we and should we hold on to friends when life pushes us in different directions; i'm a terrible friend; i rarely have any expectations in life and does that make me too easily contented or is it okay to just be happy with a simple mundane life that some other people might very well consider pathetic... and more but i need to sleep my brain is being overworked. i can practically imagine all the random muses jumping from synapse to synapse and something's going to combust soon.

and i bought a dreamcatcher for myself today :D it's so beautiful. its the third one that's hanging in my room but i can't get over them. there's just something about that combination of beads, feathers and weaving that calls out to me and just seems to make me feel better and more light-hearted. and they put lots of wonderful images in my head but nvm, i'm not going to write about that because somehow it just feels too personal and it makes me uncomfortable. and wow, a topic that makes me uncomfortable lol. and even though i've said it already, my new big-ass dreamcatcher is amazing, though i almost bought some mega-ass one but i shall continue lusting over the giga-ass one because even if i do get it one day i'll have no where left to put such an amazing work of art.

tis the season to be happy

stupid bloody cycle

or just being plain retarded :/
---
sometimes i feel as if i'm just bursting with things to say,
but then i'm just too tired to say it.
need to work on that sleeping thing.
---
this sucks. big time.
i was feeling all fine and dandy before this random onslaught of sadness hit me;
i don't even remember why i felt sad, except that earlier today i shelved it away with a,
"deal with it later when you're alone"
and now i'm just being irrationally sad,
and affecting other people with my misery.
i really need some time with the pillow.

the passed week :D

and as we lie beneath the stars; we realize how small we are

wow, has it really been so long since i last posted? time sure flies :/

i realised that at the end of this year, i won't have much to show for the days and nights that are now long gone. no fantastic grades, no amazing achievements, etc etc. but strangely enough, i'm happy. if i had to go through this whole year of ups and downs again, i would because i like where i am now. as a student, i have nothing to my name. but as just another girl growing up, another human being, i never want to lose what i have now. it's not something that can be shown, written down or measured but it's the kind of thing that makes me smile for no reason at all. it keeps me laughing; it makes me believe again.

in the end, i'm grateful for all the people who have been there for me; i only hope that i was there for you too.

and as they say, a life is meant to be lived; i'm going to relish every moment of it.

melodrama; take two

honestly, i'm not particularly sad or depressed but i'm bored :/ well i wasn't particularly bored since i was reading a really fascinating book, where this guy straps his victim to a table with a mirror above for them to see themselves and proceeds to cut off everything on the body leaving behind a completely bald head attached to just a block of torso with nothing else whatsoever. oh the eyelids, teeth and tongue are gone too. and he actually does it bit by bit, in no order whatsoever, so sometimes he removes the hands and feet before moving up to elbow and knee etc. fascinating right? and all this while playing hangman with the poor dude being dismembered. so in the end you have this... potato with a head, who happens to still be alive and can only make high keening noises with crazed eyes that see nothing but horror and pain.

perfect for brightening your day eh? to think i was reading this before training, no wonder i was a little nuts today. but anyway, the book ended. and now i'm bored. and i feel obliged to have another one of my wallow-in-self-pity posts, since my posts have been rather brief and cryptic so far. and because i need to keep a friend entertained ;)

so... i was thinking about something just now. and now i don't remember. oops.

nvm. i shall just consider some deep meaningful issue to make sure that my grey matter hasn't packed up and left to visit more happening places.

so not too long ago i was having the usual, who am i? identity crisis. well, obviously i'll never really know because the answer to that question is longer than the answer scheme for a 15mark bio free response question.

-cancels out long pointless rant that started to deviate into cashew nuts and oreos-

basically, i'd like to think that a person, this living breathing thing with arms and legs (unless they get sawed off of course) has enough depth of character that you can't define him/her in a few words. gosh, didn't english teachers always say flat characters make for a lousy story?

anyway, there are many facets of a person's personality. and i say facets and not facades. the fact that a person behaves differently around different people does not mean that one of those is just a fake or mask. it just means you're able to react to stimulus, and that is one of the characteristics of life fyi (all that bio has to be useful somehow). i mean even the ronald macdonald statue can do it. did you know, in phuket he does that palms flat together greeting the thai people all do; how cute :)

so yes, different situations bring out different sides of a person, like how a certain person can make me really vindictive and mean. but that said, i don't really think of myself as much of a bitch. not really anyway. it's a human thing to behave differently around different people. there's always the element of trust, in that how much of yourself you're willing to let others know. this doesn't mean you're pretending to be someone else (unless you actually are then shame on you you liar) it just means you're only letting a little bit of that amazing person inside to come out and play.

and damn this is getting long. i'm not sure where i'm going with all this but personally i just think people, myself included, should stop trying to stick a label on themselves, like hey i'm smart funny and totally awesome so come grovel at my feet. -cancels out a lot of unnecessary swearing- what i'm trying to say is everyone is constantly changing and that's good. it's fine to stop and think, who am i now? look in the mirror, would you like the person you see? if you don't, there's still time to change it. that reflection won't always be the same, and it won't be the addition of new frown lines or a darkening of your skin.

the thing is, in the end you're not always going to be the person you are now, so don't waste too much time fretting about your identity, or lack of it in my case, and just hang on and enjoy the ride. you'll find out more about yourself as you go on in life. thinking about it all the time won't make much of a difference anyway, because as the personality tests all say, your perceived self isn't always the same as your true self. you'll only find out the person you really are when you find yourself in a new experience and completely unsure of what you'll do next.

that's the beauty of life; and cliched as it is, carpe diem my friends.

---

okay i am back because i am still bored and avoiding having to get out of my chair. so i am a chair potato, sue me. anyway, because i spend too much of my time browsing random sites, it's time to spam some quotes.

"There are so many things that will never happen to me again, and I never noticed when those things stopped occurring. And it does not mean I wish I had my old life back, because I like my new life better; I was just shocked to discover how much of what used to be central to my existence doesn’t even matter to me anymore."
-Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman

"Remembering our past, carrying it with us always, may be the necessary requirement for maintaining, as they say, the wholeness of the self. To ensure that the self doesn’t shrink, to see that it holds on to its volume, memories have to be watered like potted flowers, and the watering calls for regular contact with the witnesses of the past, that is to say, with friends. They are our mirror; our memory; we ask nothing of them but that they polish the mirror from time to time so we can look at ourselves in it."
-Identity by Milan Kundera

"Look, it’s not that they hate each other. Or that apathy has replaced love. You can’t measure the mutual affection of two human beings by the number of words they exchange. It’s just that their heads are empty. It might even be out of tact that they’re refusing to talk, if they’ve got nothing to say."
-Identity by Milan Kundera

"When you are young, you always expect that the world is going to end. And then you get older and the world still chugs along and you are forced to re-evaluate your stance on the apocalypse as well as your own relationship to time and death. You realize that the world will indeed continue, with or without you, and the pictures you see in your head. So you try to understand the pictures instead."
-Life After God by Douglas Coupland

and this just might be my longest post ever. wow. and i realised i seem to have a problem deciphering the fine line between hunger and boredom :/

yoohoooooo~

hello world i am back to join in all the mindless computer-screen staring ;D

;D

i will sleep!

another one of those self-destructive nights

wow wow wow

amazing day yesterday. i'm going to be selfish and not share :D
and omg lol i can't believe i took the mrt in the wrong direction.

wow. it's friday already?!!

:D

never easy; never easy

today was generally a good busy day, spent doing things and not thinking about things. its nice to be in the company of friends and more.

"Weren’t we all crazy in our sleep? What was sleep, after all, but the process by which we dumped our insanity into a dark subconscious pit and came out on the other side ready to eat cereal instead of the neighbor’s children?"
- Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay

today was a day for dust and disaster

"If any film doesn’t need a gimmick, it’s these ones, and that’s for me what 3D is. For me, 3D adds nothing to the story. “Avatar”, sure, it looked amazing, but not more amazing than “Inception”, and I thought about “Inception” for so much longer because it was a better film, because it was a more interesting film. And I don’t think that technology is a substitute for story, which I think is how 3D can sometimes be used."

- Daniel Radcliffe

i wish i could say something smart but honestly, ive never watched a 3D movie nor inception. which really sucks. like really D:

and gosh, i threw out so much thrash today and my room still looks a mess. what am i supposed to do with all the brand new TYS that ny made us buy?! and i found my kindergarten stuff, gosh i was so cute hahahaha. and my maid very tactlessly wondered, "what happened to your eyes, they were so big last time!".

meh. and something has been gnawing on my crayons ]:

anyway this post is kinda random, i just didn't want to have that depressing post right on top :/

Di gantseh velt iz ful mit shaidim; treib zai chotsh fun zich arois.

hell, my head is a huge mess of disjointed thoughts right now. its making me very upset yet not upset. i don't know. i'm lost trying to figure my way through this. where do i start?
---
how am i ever going to make the big choices for myself? i've never had to.
they opted for gep.
they chose my gep primary school.
they chose my secondary school and consequently, jc.
so here i am now.
i didn't want any of that.
should i?
it's hard to have a opinion when, your whole life, no one ever gave a damn about it.
god, what do i want?
---
somehow i'm not upset that i essentially lack a personality.

i just feel sort of empty inside. i don't know, it's been a long time since i felt anything strongly.
happiness is good, it makes me feel human. insecurity, loneliness, shame, guilt, angst, fear; god it's amazing to feel something. fear is good; avoiding it, fearing it, drowning in it, embracing it, courting it.

realise anger isn't in the list? i can't remember what real anger feels like. not the kind that makes you swear and curse, but the kind that makes you hate the person who angered you so badly that you lose the ability to think logically and surrender yourself to destructive behaviour on everything and everyone around you. good riddance i say, i've had enough of that for one lifetime.

but whatever happened to it? i don't know, though i guess sometimes, when you have such low expectations of the world and the people in it, it becomes so easy to rationalize away every indignity and cruel act as another failing of a species you never had much faith in from the start. how do you get angry at something you expected? (god, not only do i have to deal with nonsensical musings, i have to work out overlong run-on sentences too.)

do you see why i'm confused yet? actually, i'm probably just dysfunctional. and i probably just don't like anger much; i guess if it were possible to delete an emotion from the human emotional range i probably just did the equivalent somewhere along the way.

damn am i lost. and this song is playing too quickly. how do people speak so fast?!
---
oh another chunk of the mess surfaced. but wth, i'm too lazy to sort it out. it can go stuff itself up its metaphorical ass for all i care.

"That’s the thing I want to make clear about depression: It’s got nothing at all to do with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorror, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal—unpleasant, but normal. Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves a complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absence of interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major clinical depression is an attempt on nature’s part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the empty space. But for all intents and purposes, the deeply depressed are just the walking, waking dead."

Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel
---
oh and please, don't freak out if you actually happen to read this. we all have our scars and ugly sides. i just tend to like documenting mine so i can scoff at my melodrama later. take it with a pinch of salt and a good box of popcorn; join me in enjoying the show. it's nice to watch myself crash sometimes. my com doesn't need a reason to do so, so why should i? anyway yes, what? sorry i lost myself. i'm not usually this disgustingly mopey and absent-minded.

anyway i should just sleep soon. i can't wait for my normal cheery mentality to come back. c'mon, knock these suckers out of my head.

The whole world is full of demons; you just exorcise them out of yourself.