Friday, December 03, 2010
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
wow wow wow
amazing day yesterday. i'm going to be selfish and not share :D
and omg lol i can't believe i took the mrt in the wrong direction.
and omg lol i can't believe i took the mrt in the wrong direction.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
never easy; never easy
today was generally a good busy day, spent doing things and not thinking about things. its nice to be in the company of friends and more.
"Weren’t we all crazy in our sleep? What was sleep, after all, but the process by which we dumped our insanity into a dark subconscious pit and came out on the other side ready to eat cereal instead of the neighbor’s children?"
- Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay
"Weren’t we all crazy in our sleep? What was sleep, after all, but the process by which we dumped our insanity into a dark subconscious pit and came out on the other side ready to eat cereal instead of the neighbor’s children?"
- Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay
Sunday, November 21, 2010
today was a day for dust and disaster
"If any film doesn’t need a gimmick, it’s these ones, and that’s for me what 3D is. For me, 3D adds nothing to the story. “Avatar”, sure, it looked amazing, but not more amazing than “Inception”, and I thought about “Inception” for so much longer because it was a better film, because it was a more interesting film. And I don’t think that technology is a substitute for story, which I think is how 3D can sometimes be used."
- Daniel Radcliffe
i wish i could say something smart but honestly, ive never watched a 3D movie nor inception. which really sucks. like really D:
and gosh, i threw out so much thrash today and my room still looks a mess. what am i supposed to do with all the brand new TYS that ny made us buy?! and i found my kindergarten stuff, gosh i was so cute hahahaha. and my maid very tactlessly wondered, "what happened to your eyes, they were so big last time!".
meh. and something has been gnawing on my crayons ]:
anyway this post is kinda random, i just didn't want to have that depressing post right on top :/
- Daniel Radcliffe
i wish i could say something smart but honestly, ive never watched a 3D movie nor inception. which really sucks. like really D:
and gosh, i threw out so much thrash today and my room still looks a mess. what am i supposed to do with all the brand new TYS that ny made us buy?! and i found my kindergarten stuff, gosh i was so cute hahahaha. and my maid very tactlessly wondered, "what happened to your eyes, they were so big last time!".
meh. and something has been gnawing on my crayons ]:
anyway this post is kinda random, i just didn't want to have that depressing post right on top :/
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Di gantseh velt iz ful mit shaidim; treib zai chotsh fun zich arois.
hell, my head is a huge mess of disjointed thoughts right now. its making me very upset yet not upset. i don't know. i'm lost trying to figure my way through this. where do i start?
---
how am i ever going to make the big choices for myself? i've never had to.
they opted for gep.
they chose my gep primary school.
they chose my secondary school and consequently, jc.
so here i am now.
i didn't want any of that.
should i?
it's hard to have a opinion when, your whole life, no one ever gave a damn about it.
god, what do i want?
---
somehow i'm not upset that i essentially lack a personality.
i just feel sort of empty inside. i don't know, it's been a long time since i felt anything strongly.
happiness is good, it makes me feel human. insecurity, loneliness, shame, guilt, angst, fear; god it's amazing to feel something. fear is good; avoiding it, fearing it, drowning in it, embracing it, courting it.
realise anger isn't in the list? i can't remember what real anger feels like. not the kind that makes you swear and curse, but the kind that makes you hate the person who angered you so badly that you lose the ability to think logically and surrender yourself to destructive behaviour on everything and everyone around you. good riddance i say, i've had enough of that for one lifetime.
but whatever happened to it? i don't know, though i guess sometimes, when you have such low expectations of the world and the people in it, it becomes so easy to rationalize away every indignity and cruel act as another failing of a species you never had much faith in from the start. how do you get angry at something you expected? (god, not only do i have to deal with nonsensical musings, i have to work out overlong run-on sentences too.)
do you see why i'm confused yet? actually, i'm probably just dysfunctional. and i probably just don't like anger much; i guess if it were possible to delete an emotion from the human emotional range i probably just did the equivalent somewhere along the way.
damn am i lost. and this song is playing too quickly. how do people speak so fast?!
---
oh another chunk of the mess surfaced. but wth, i'm too lazy to sort it out. it can go stuff itself up its metaphorical ass for all i care.
"That’s the thing I want to make clear about depression: It’s got nothing at all to do with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorror, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal—unpleasant, but normal. Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves a complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absence of interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major clinical depression is an attempt on nature’s part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the empty space. But for all intents and purposes, the deeply depressed are just the walking, waking dead."
Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel
---
oh and please, don't freak out if you actually happen to read this. we all have our scars and ugly sides. i just tend to like documenting mine so i can scoff at my melodrama later. take it with a pinch of salt and a good box of popcorn; join me in enjoying the show. it's nice to watch myself crash sometimes. my com doesn't need a reason to do so, so why should i? anyway yes, what? sorry i lost myself. i'm not usually this disgustingly mopey and absent-minded.
anyway i should just sleep soon. i can't wait for my normal cheery mentality to come back. c'mon, knock these suckers out of my head.
The whole world is full of demons; you just exorcise them out of yourself.
---
how am i ever going to make the big choices for myself? i've never had to.
they opted for gep.
they chose my gep primary school.
they chose my secondary school and consequently, jc.
so here i am now.
i didn't want any of that.
should i?
it's hard to have a opinion when, your whole life, no one ever gave a damn about it.
god, what do i want?
---
somehow i'm not upset that i essentially lack a personality.
i just feel sort of empty inside. i don't know, it's been a long time since i felt anything strongly.
happiness is good, it makes me feel human. insecurity, loneliness, shame, guilt, angst, fear; god it's amazing to feel something. fear is good; avoiding it, fearing it, drowning in it, embracing it, courting it.
realise anger isn't in the list? i can't remember what real anger feels like. not the kind that makes you swear and curse, but the kind that makes you hate the person who angered you so badly that you lose the ability to think logically and surrender yourself to destructive behaviour on everything and everyone around you. good riddance i say, i've had enough of that for one lifetime.
but whatever happened to it? i don't know, though i guess sometimes, when you have such low expectations of the world and the people in it, it becomes so easy to rationalize away every indignity and cruel act as another failing of a species you never had much faith in from the start. how do you get angry at something you expected? (god, not only do i have to deal with nonsensical musings, i have to work out overlong run-on sentences too.)
do you see why i'm confused yet? actually, i'm probably just dysfunctional. and i probably just don't like anger much; i guess if it were possible to delete an emotion from the human emotional range i probably just did the equivalent somewhere along the way.
damn am i lost. and this song is playing too quickly. how do people speak so fast?!
---
oh another chunk of the mess surfaced. but wth, i'm too lazy to sort it out. it can go stuff itself up its metaphorical ass for all i care.
"That’s the thing I want to make clear about depression: It’s got nothing at all to do with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorror, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal—unpleasant, but normal. Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves a complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absence of interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major clinical depression is an attempt on nature’s part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the empty space. But for all intents and purposes, the deeply depressed are just the walking, waking dead."
Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel
---
oh and please, don't freak out if you actually happen to read this. we all have our scars and ugly sides. i just tend to like documenting mine so i can scoff at my melodrama later. take it with a pinch of salt and a good box of popcorn; join me in enjoying the show. it's nice to watch myself crash sometimes. my com doesn't need a reason to do so, so why should i? anyway yes, what? sorry i lost myself. i'm not usually this disgustingly mopey and absent-minded.
anyway i should just sleep soon. i can't wait for my normal cheery mentality to come back. c'mon, knock these suckers out of my head.
The whole world is full of demons; you just exorcise them out of yourself.
Monday, November 15, 2010
cause when it gets dark
hahaha qianwen just reminded me i had to share this with all of you!
it's so beautiful;
MJ ♥
when i'm not myself
deep in our hearts we all know what's the right thing to do,
but we still look to others for advice.
---
gosh i'm in one of my moods again and i sure am brooding up a storm. but that's good i guess, cause it'll blow over soon and tomorrow i can be silly again.
but we still look to others for advice.
---
gosh i'm in one of my moods again and i sure am brooding up a storm. but that's good i guess, cause it'll blow over soon and tomorrow i can be silly again.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
bum and bummer
i love how the thisisit poster and guitarhero drumset still look normal, teehee.
gosh, i'm bored already.
gosh, i'm bored already.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
what will that be?
i've been told that my recent posts gave a certain impression;
i'm scared it's true.
let's be adventurous
oh man, there's too much good food in this world. screw the flu/sore throat/cough/headache (technically they all just fall under the category of flu i think). anyway, yes, food. oh god, the idea of it is tonguegasmic.
and pardon me if i sound slightly hysterical, i've been looking at food porn for the last couple of hours.
and pardon me if i sound slightly hysterical, i've been looking at food porn for the last couple of hours.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
heaven smells like waffles and books
my not-so-closet romantic would like to share:
"The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss." - Dean Koontz, Odd Hours
now back to finding out what the guy's gonna do with a whole bunch of dead bodies and radioactive material.
oh and yes, apollo outing was fun, though there was waaayyyy too much shirt-stripping. played frisbee and watched very funny games. and saw her get washed away in a giant gush of water. heh heh, cues nasty grin. i'm sorry, but she happens to be the only person i've ever met to bring out this nasty side in me.
right. book. fucking throat $@#%#!*#$&!#
"The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss." - Dean Koontz, Odd Hours
now back to finding out what the guy's gonna do with a whole bunch of dead bodies and radioactive material.
oh and yes, apollo outing was fun, though there was waaayyyy too much shirt-stripping. played frisbee and watched very funny games. and saw her get washed away in a giant gush of water. heh heh, cues nasty grin. i'm sorry, but she happens to be the only person i've ever met to bring out this nasty side in me.
right. book. fucking throat $@#%#!*#$&!#
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
the day after
today was great but i don't really feel like blogging about it. but thank you for the great day, for letting me do the silly embarrassing things that make life real.
and i guess jc1 officially ended yesterday for me. what a year; i'm not going to describe it because there aren't enough words to capture all 287 days. well, i obviously have not achieved any of my new year resolutions, and damn i can't believe i was so hopeful about 2010. not that i'm disappointed, but just surprised at how different it turned out from my expectations.
i am now blacker, heavier, lazier, and bored. unfortunately i've yet to grow taller, but some things just never change. and i'm not actually bored per se, just lacking something/someone(?) that i will wake up for everyday.
still, there's a lot more to be grateful for. you 4 especially; you know who you are :) and the class, even though sometimes its almost as if you all study too much and eat too little. and the frisbee team, from the hilarious seniors to the awesome batchmates.
sure, there were some depressing times this year, but i can't imagine it any other way.
in the end, there's no point regretting or wanting to change things. i'm just glad whatever happened happened. the good has to come with the bad, and i'd take the bad if it lets me have the good too. that sounds so cliched, especially if you consider all those quotes about love and not being sad it ended but being glad that it happened etc etc. oh, there goes that closet romantic in me again. the keyboard makes it way too easy to ramble on.
so tata, i shall strive to make best use of this brief respite otherwise known as holidays.
ps. thank you jkrowling for sharing such an amazing world with us. i may not agree with what you did with some of the characters, but hey there's fanfic for that, and i don't think my life would have been complete without ever having read about hogwarts potion masters.
"We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity."
-Paulo Coelho
and i guess jc1 officially ended yesterday for me. what a year; i'm not going to describe it because there aren't enough words to capture all 287 days. well, i obviously have not achieved any of my new year resolutions, and damn i can't believe i was so hopeful about 2010. not that i'm disappointed, but just surprised at how different it turned out from my expectations.
i am now blacker, heavier, lazier, and bored. unfortunately i've yet to grow taller, but some things just never change. and i'm not actually bored per se, just lacking something/someone(?) that i will wake up for everyday.
still, there's a lot more to be grateful for. you 4 especially; you know who you are :) and the class, even though sometimes its almost as if you all study too much and eat too little. and the frisbee team, from the hilarious seniors to the awesome batchmates.
sure, there were some depressing times this year, but i can't imagine it any other way.
in the end, there's no point regretting or wanting to change things. i'm just glad whatever happened happened. the good has to come with the bad, and i'd take the bad if it lets me have the good too. that sounds so cliched, especially if you consider all those quotes about love and not being sad it ended but being glad that it happened etc etc. oh, there goes that closet romantic in me again. the keyboard makes it way too easy to ramble on.
so tata, i shall strive to make best use of this brief respite otherwise known as holidays.
ps. thank you jkrowling for sharing such an amazing world with us. i may not agree with what you did with some of the characters, but hey there's fanfic for that, and i don't think my life would have been complete without ever having read about hogwarts potion masters.
"We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity."
-Paulo Coelho
Monday, November 08, 2010
TOLULU!
oh god. op's tmr. T.O.M.O.R.R.O.W!! 5mins of shamelessly spouting memorised crap followed by more spontaneous crapping. and then... NO MORE PW OMGOMGOMGZOMG.
okay this is getting kinda hysterical :/
and i can't remember why i wanted to blog. oh yes. i've found something to do while all the good friends are off doing big things. i'm gonna... wait for it... make more blogskins hahaha. ok sorry anticlimatic. but i can't imagine how i managed to survive for so long without skinning. oh wait i know. i had frisbee. i can die happy now. as long as i can take my disk with me :D
anyway yes, i can't wait to go back to the days of css frustrations and photoshop headaches. i'm so excited the proverbial hands are rubbing in glee. and okay, no one probably gets what so great about it. i'm not sure too; just take it as my contribution to this giant black hole known as the internet.
but first, i gotta make sure i don't screw up my op. damn.
okay this is getting kinda hysterical :/
and i can't remember why i wanted to blog. oh yes. i've found something to do while all the good friends are off doing big things. i'm gonna... wait for it... make more blogskins hahaha. ok sorry anticlimatic. but i can't imagine how i managed to survive for so long without skinning. oh wait i know. i had frisbee. i can die happy now. as long as i can take my disk with me :D
anyway yes, i can't wait to go back to the days of css frustrations and photoshop headaches. i'm so excited the proverbial hands are rubbing in glee. and okay, no one probably gets what so great about it. i'm not sure too; just take it as my contribution to this giant black hole known as the internet.
but first, i gotta make sure i don't screw up my op. damn.
2 more days
i think i've gotten too lazy to write my own posts.
ah wells, one of my melancholic days will come eventually.
and i just realised this new skin makes it harder for certain people to stalk my friends :3
Friday, November 05, 2010
Thursday, November 04, 2010
And when I close my eyes tonight
finally, a new skin.
it's so... minimalist.
(read: lazy)
and it's so white.
i can't get over how white it is.
i can't believe i didn't do this earlier.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
i need to stop spamming this place
it's usually the same few people online at this time.
i really wonder what they're staying up for :3
i really wonder what they're staying up for :3
Monday, November 01, 2010
it's not the time to breakdown
bloody hell i can't stand this skin.
i need to make a new one soon;
i can't believe i've been using this one for 11 months!
the horror!
i need to make a new one soon;
i can't believe i've been using this one for 11 months!
the horror!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
when we break the dawn
gee i slept for about 13 hours; it feels amazing :D should totally do this more often.
and goshhh major experiment fail. it was a lost cause the moment i started. not meant to be, i love my food too much. and oh damn, i suspect i'm heavier than at least half the frisbee team, guys included D:
oh wells, from this point onwards i will think of nothing but pw!
...
right, another lost cause.
on a random side note, i reaslied that there's a certain pleasure in reading stories from the bad guy's point of view. i mean, enough with the hero saving the day. how about a story where evil prevails and we cheer as the last fighter of the light side is slashed apart with his entrails spilling out? or children playing at soldiers are butchered to make way for a new world order? i wonder if this indicates a certain lack of moral scruples on my part. i mean i know what the character is doing is immoral, but i find it hard to disagree with such actions. i guess that fine line between right and wrong has blurred away to nonexistence :/
and goshhh major experiment fail. it was a lost cause the moment i started. not meant to be, i love my food too much. and oh damn, i suspect i'm heavier than at least half the frisbee team, guys included D:
oh wells, from this point onwards i will think of nothing but pw!
...
right, another lost cause.
on a random side note, i reaslied that there's a certain pleasure in reading stories from the bad guy's point of view. i mean, enough with the hero saving the day. how about a story where evil prevails and we cheer as the last fighter of the light side is slashed apart with his entrails spilling out? or children playing at soldiers are butchered to make way for a new world order? i wonder if this indicates a certain lack of moral scruples on my part. i mean i know what the character is doing is immoral, but i find it hard to disagree with such actions. i guess that fine line between right and wrong has blurred away to nonexistence :/
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
my age is catching up on me
i think i should buy a really large bag just in case this ever happens :/
Sunday, October 24, 2010
welcome to the family
it's that amazing time of the year again ;)
and no i'm not keeping all of them; the first pair on the right is up for sale, even though all i want to do is hang them from my ceiling and admire them every night before i go to bed.
and no i'm not keeping all of them; the first pair on the right is up for sale, even though all i want to do is hang them from my ceiling and admire them every night before i go to bed.
gorgeous, aren't they?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
AHHH IT BURNS
holybananashit my eyelids are peeling. this is disgusting. (grah okay i've learnt my lesson i'm gonna start using sunblock or something; now annoying sunburn begone)
molting skin aside, FOS was fun, though i'm not sure if i regret playing ultimate frisbee. i mean i love the game but i'll always be able to play it but when will i ever have the chance to wade around swimming pools and launch flying circular projectiles or violently swing sticks about while body slamming every other person.
same thing with the sabbaticals. dance was fun, but hey i should have tried something unsual, like clay target shooting or some useful something for kicking/savingmyown-ass. that more or less sums up the choices i opted for after the dance sabbatical. oh well, opportunities are wasted everyday. moving onnnnn......
and oh man tom cruise is oldddddddddddddd. hahaha my mum thinks he's gotten fat. i guess that's something that happens with growing old :/
oh and heh next two weeks shall be eye-opening with my randomly-decided-upon sorta a-day-in-their-shoes (or more like a-week-at-their-breakfastlunchdinner-tables) experiments. annnnndddd that made no sense. actually no it made a lot of sense.
i wonder what's the melting point of brain matter :/ or does it sublime? zzz spontaneous combustion; how messy.
and my sis has more shopping time than me D: sighhhhhhh the perks of being young T.T nvm, i will go out and spend ridiculous amounts of money on ridiculously useless things once my skin stops hurting like something nasty.
now, i need to lower the temperature of this room to below 31degreescelsius.
molting skin aside, FOS was fun, though i'm not sure if i regret playing ultimate frisbee. i mean i love the game but i'll always be able to play it but when will i ever have the chance to wade around swimming pools and launch flying circular projectiles or violently swing sticks about while body slamming every other person.
same thing with the sabbaticals. dance was fun, but hey i should have tried something unsual, like clay target shooting or some useful something for kicking/savingmyown-ass. that more or less sums up the choices i opted for after the dance sabbatical. oh well, opportunities are wasted everyday. moving onnnnn......
and oh man tom cruise is oldddddddddddddd. hahaha my mum thinks he's gotten fat. i guess that's something that happens with growing old :/
oh and heh next two weeks shall be eye-opening with my randomly-decided-upon sorta a-day-in-their-shoes (or more like a-week-at-their-breakfastlunchdinner-tables) experiments. annnnndddd that made no sense. actually no it made a lot of sense.
i wonder what's the melting point of brain matter :/ or does it sublime? zzz spontaneous combustion; how messy.
and my sis has more shopping time than me D: sighhhhhhh the perks of being young T.T nvm, i will go out and spend ridiculous amounts of money on ridiculously useless things once my skin stops hurting like something nasty.
now, i need to lower the temperature of this room to below 31degreescelsius.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
beached whale
ahh i had the most epic dream this morning; harry potter vs draco malfoy in a pokemon battle! HAHAHA. i don't remember what happened exactly, but i know harry won and of the pokemon he used, two were totodile and pinsir.
so random :/ it's probably due to what we did on friday after promos, playing pokemon monopoly at jen's house. and gah don't laugh, we're just domesticated weirdos. oh and yes, extremely boring post ahead consisting mostly of me complaining at being exploited by scheming yings who hide their money and too-smart jens who likes monopolising the board.
so random :/ it's probably due to what we did on friday after promos, playing pokemon monopoly at jen's house. and gah don't laugh, we're just domesticated weirdos. oh and yes, extremely boring post ahead consisting mostly of me complaining at being exploited by scheming yings who hide their money and too-smart jens who likes monopolising the board.
me and zinc being especially grateful for landing in jail.
all thanks to jen and her scary empire, ying wasn't so lucky but i ended up being the biggest joke -.-
so much property but couldn't build any thing thanks to jen again T.T
imagine my joy when i stole jen's mr mime to complete my set with kakabra and venomoth only to end up getting sent to my doom where i went spontaneously bankrupt for the... 5th time? i paid like 5k+ to ying and jen for landing in their property and it was terribleeeee.
but it was fun. yes, random post and fond memories. oh and don't mind the weird colouring, i was testing out new apps on my phone :D
so much property but couldn't build any thing thanks to jen again T.T
imagine my joy when i stole jen's mr mime to complete my set with kakabra and venomoth only to end up getting sent to my doom where i went spontaneously bankrupt for the... 5th time? i paid like 5k+ to ying and jen for landing in their property and it was terribleeeee.but it was fun. yes, random post and fond memories. oh and don't mind the weird colouring, i was testing out new apps on my phone :D
mymidnightmuses
oh wells, promos were massively fucked up.
but they're over and that's what matters; until they come back of course but i'll deal with that when it happens.
best thing is, i'm expecting an influx of amazing things to stick my feet into, other than my mouth and other people's business.
i predict a new look for this place, and a new place for all my vulgar and excessive ranting.
but they're over and that's what matters; until they come back of course but i'll deal with that when it happens.
best thing is, i'm expecting an influx of amazing things to stick my feet into, other than my mouth and other people's business.
i predict a new look for this place, and a new place for all my vulgar and excessive ranting.
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
the proliferation of heart-stopping shoes
i wonder what came over me yesterday/this morning. i was so.... serious -.-
anyway, WHEEE I FOUND AMAZING SHOES!! WHICH SHOULD I BUY :/
oh wait, correction. HOW MANY SHOULD I BUYYYYYY!! @.@
oh and strangely, the life section for today's newspapers was talking about the y generation and our attitude towards work and life and all. how coincidental.
anyway, WHEEE I FOUND AMAZING SHOES!! WHICH SHOULD I BUY :/
oh wait, correction. HOW MANY SHOULD I BUYYYYYY!! @.@
oh and strangely, the life section for today's newspapers was talking about the y generation and our attitude towards work and life and all. how coincidental.
the way i are
showering seems to be an activity that inspires interesting introspection. that's good i guess, since it's been a while since my last non-random post. actually, this is rather random, but bear with me.
and before someone misinterprets the word because of the context, wikipedia tells me "Introspection is the self-observation and reporting of conscious inner thoughts, desires and sensations. It is a conscious mental and usually purposive process relying on thinking, reasoning, and examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and, in more spiritual cases, one's soul."
so let's see. oh yes. the other day i asked my mum if she was happy being "retired". after a lot of bush abusing, i surmised that she's happier, upon which i proceeded to tell her that i shall look forward to my retirement then.
which unfortunately will be a long time for now.
then again, maybe not. i don't want a job that will take up all my time. i want a job that i can distinctly separate from my life, because i don't want to live for my work. that's the complete antithesis of the "get a job that you love, and it won't be a job anymore" advice but i lack that all-consuming singular passion for one thing that will keep me happy for a long long time. i'd like to be able to do try different things, including stupid ones but hey, what's a life without bittersweet regrets.
i wonder why i'm thinking about such distant possibilities. i mean, i'm 17; but since, the first 17 years of my life have passed rather quickly and mundanely, i suspect the next 17 might too. oh dear. and the idea of dying in bed with children x n + grandchildren x n^2 around is just downright frightening me. honestly, i think i will try to avoid that if possible. (i guess i'm not as family-oriented, but hey we're all different people so don't judge me for my insanities)
so... i seem to have lost track of what i wanted to say after my internet folded up into a little paper plane and kamikaze-d into the mess that is my desk. and i should sleep soon. so let's just do a quick summary of everything.
on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the happiest, i will rate today as an 8. i got to see friends, ate some good food, watched some nice shows (hey charlie's angels is classic), drank my oreo crush with minipearls, read fanfic, lied on the floor with my dogs staring at the ceiling, etc. i guess that makes it a good and satisfying day. and no, mugging didn't play a significant part of it. i should feel guilty/worried/stressed out, but my conscience is somewhere out there orbiting a giant lump of space matter so "nitwik! blubber! oddment! tweak!", whatever that means.
and i need to stop depriving my body of sleep. then again, this probably isn't as bad as it gets and here i am wanting to continue that line of thought that reminds of a conversation with jen. when does it become self-harm? and we weren't talking about sleeping habits but that's another thing for another day, though i am starting to get a little worried about that issue and i shall chew on it for awhile before i put my foot in my mouth again, as usual. so good night, whoever comes to my little piece of the net and wow, you actually read all that?
and before someone misinterprets the word because of the context, wikipedia tells me "Introspection is the self-observation and reporting of conscious inner thoughts, desires and sensations. It is a conscious mental and usually purposive process relying on thinking, reasoning, and examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and, in more spiritual cases, one's soul."
so let's see. oh yes. the other day i asked my mum if she was happy being "retired". after a lot of bush abusing, i surmised that she's happier, upon which i proceeded to tell her that i shall look forward to my retirement then.
which unfortunately will be a long time for now.
then again, maybe not. i don't want a job that will take up all my time. i want a job that i can distinctly separate from my life, because i don't want to live for my work. that's the complete antithesis of the "get a job that you love, and it won't be a job anymore" advice but i lack that all-consuming singular passion for one thing that will keep me happy for a long long time. i'd like to be able to do try different things, including stupid ones but hey, what's a life without bittersweet regrets.
i wonder why i'm thinking about such distant possibilities. i mean, i'm 17; but since, the first 17 years of my life have passed rather quickly and mundanely, i suspect the next 17 might too. oh dear. and the idea of dying in bed with children x n + grandchildren x n^2 around is just downright frightening me. honestly, i think i will try to avoid that if possible. (i guess i'm not as family-oriented, but hey we're all different people so don't judge me for my insanities)
so... i seem to have lost track of what i wanted to say after my internet folded up into a little paper plane and kamikaze-d into the mess that is my desk. and i should sleep soon. so let's just do a quick summary of everything.
on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the happiest, i will rate today as an 8. i got to see friends, ate some good food, watched some nice shows (hey charlie's angels is classic), drank my oreo crush with minipearls, read fanfic, lied on the floor with my dogs staring at the ceiling, etc. i guess that makes it a good and satisfying day. and no, mugging didn't play a significant part of it. i should feel guilty/worried/stressed out, but my conscience is somewhere out there orbiting a giant lump of space matter so "nitwik! blubber! oddment! tweak!", whatever that means.
and i need to stop depriving my body of sleep. then again, this probably isn't as bad as it gets and here i am wanting to continue that line of thought that reminds of a conversation with jen. when does it become self-harm? and we weren't talking about sleeping habits but that's another thing for another day, though i am starting to get a little worried about that issue and i shall chew on it for awhile before i put my foot in my mouth again, as usual. so good night, whoever comes to my little piece of the net and wow, you actually read all that?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 09, 2010
the second law of thermodynamics (and closet organisation)
states that the total entropy of the universe always tends to increase. hence, processes that tend towards a state of greater disorder can occur spontaneously even though they may be endothermic kai tries to stop them.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
x doesn't want to be found; respect that
“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”- Albert Einstein
read a story
write a book
take a picture
paint a portrait
eat a cookie
bake a cake
fly a kite
see the world
write a book
take a picture
paint a portrait
eat a cookie
bake a cake
fly a kite
see the world
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
here's to the night;
oh dear, i can sense my holidays a-wasting!
what do i do?
i refuse to camp at home and mug!
i wanna go to starbucks @#$%$%!#
maybe ___ ___ will be there :D
what do i do?
i refuse to camp at home and mug!
i wanna go to starbucks @#$%$%!#
maybe ___ ___ will be there :D
Monday, September 06, 2010
Sunday, September 05, 2010
i want to have no regrets
Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain
In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end
We knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how
We would end up here the way we are
Yeah we knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
gearing up
25degrees celsius
fluffy robe with giant pink polka dots
tumbler to stave off the sore throat
kidnapped box of butter cookies
fanfiction to keep me awake
michael jackson on repeat
fluffy robe with giant pink polka dots
tumbler to stave off the sore throat
kidnapped box of butter cookies
fanfiction to keep me awake
michael jackson on repeat
who knew so much preparation went into writing WRs.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
we've come to the conclusion
tired.
like really tired.
but its a pleasant physical tired.
i just want to sleep.
wish i didn't have thing-that-must-not-be-named tomorrow.
should start on it soon, so much to memorise T.T
like really tired.
but its a pleasant physical tired.
i just want to sleep.
wish i didn't have thing-that-must-not-be-named tomorrow.
should start on it soon, so much to memorise T.T
Sunday, August 15, 2010
into the gloom
i've been spending most of my time reading fanfic and playing the set of tap fish/ranch/bird/zombiefarm games. obviously not a good idea, except for the fanfic, but i really just don't want to do anything that comes within range of plausible intellectual-ness.
i just want to... skip school. sigh.
life was so much easier when girls didn't have to go to school. not that i'm against the empowered female and the whole feminism thingamabob, but the annoying power and responsibility thing comes into play and damnit i just want to be irresponsible; irrational, anything really. i'm not meant to be a student/academic, i just want to bum around :(
math tmr is a gone case :/
econs tutorial... screw it.
looking forward to cca, hopefully not too much pt.
urgh my 3 suicides T.T
i just want to... skip school. sigh.
life was so much easier when girls didn't have to go to school. not that i'm against the empowered female and the whole feminism thingamabob, but the annoying power and responsibility thing comes into play and damnit i just want to be irresponsible; irrational, anything really. i'm not meant to be a student/academic, i just want to bum around :(
math tmr is a gone case :/
econs tutorial... screw it.
looking forward to cca, hopefully not too much pt.
urgh my 3 suicides T.T
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Friday, August 06, 2010
crimes that were never defined
one of the best things about being youngis how our impulsiveness allows us to indulge in the now
and screw that far-away future;
that more than makes up for all the awkward stages.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
tired of living like a blind man
ive had a lot of deep revelations and eye-opening insights recently, but since i'm not as dedicated as jo in maintaining a blog that's actually useful, i shan't bother to write about them.
on a shallow note, 3inch-high heels are starting to look really short.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
put it in a bottle and throw it out to sea
i hate it when such things happen.
and i hate it even more when i can't write about it.
i need new ranting space.
and i hate it even more when i can't write about it.
i need new ranting space.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
we're doing nothing at all
it's been awhile since i last posted but nothing fantastic has happened. unfortunately, this is what happens when school becomes all-consuming. too many things to do and none of them getting done. i need a break. i need to catch up. i need to stop lagging. i need to slow down. i need to sleep.
interview today was scary. super duper scary. too many stupid things in front of too many seniors. scary.
honestly, j1 would have been a lot more enjoyable if a certain project didn't exist. but it does. pity. on the other hand, project odd is official! lots of good things coming soon ;D
oh boy, we're on the edge of an asteroid.
interview today was scary. super duper scary. too many stupid things in front of too many seniors. scary.
honestly, j1 would have been a lot more enjoyable if a certain project didn't exist. but it does. pity. on the other hand, project odd is official! lots of good things coming soon ;D
oh boy, we're on the edge of an asteroid.
Monday, July 19, 2010
you crafted me so sharp, i cut even myself
ive learnt a lot recently.
maybe i knew it all along
but the time for living with closed eyes is over.
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thursday, July 08, 2010
some pages turned; some bridges burned
i've been wanting to post for awhile, but somehow i never got to doing it. procrastinating again, obviously.
today was nice, halfday at school and quasi-class outing to watch despicable me afterwards. i would like to learn to laugh like a minion. they're so cute, like baby potatoes~
and i seem to have sunk into a melancholic mood again. sigh.
all in all, it's been a merciful yet extremely painful week. my paradise was razed to the ground again but at least the ashes cleared fast this time. but i still can't believe she walked out on us like that. or was something we did? i wish i knew what went wrong.
and hahas, cute pictures. thanks jo. i rmbr doing some of those with/to christy.
memories. miss her. so much.
want you back.
what a horrid state of limbo i seem to have ended up in.
today was nice, halfday at school and quasi-class outing to watch despicable me afterwards. i would like to learn to laugh like a minion. they're so cute, like baby potatoes~
and i seem to have sunk into a melancholic mood again. sigh.
all in all, it's been a merciful yet extremely painful week. my paradise was razed to the ground again but at least the ashes cleared fast this time. but i still can't believe she walked out on us like that. or was something we did? i wish i knew what went wrong.
and hahas, cute pictures. thanks jo. i rmbr doing some of those with/to christy.
memories. miss her. so much.
want you back.
what a horrid state of limbo i seem to have ended up in.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
yeah you know you should
THEY'RE OVERRRRRR YAYYYY NO MORE TESTS FOR...awhile -.-
and gosh i want so many more accessories where to get waaaaaa
i need some new shiny things
before i start buying more silver shoes
*facepalm*
oh i finally bought jeans today,
so i actually own normal blue jeans.
sales are awesome (L)
but my berms aren't selling anymore
but that might be a good thing cause i don't have 50dollars to burn on them.
and i still need a new wallet.
my current one is way pass retirement.
*hint hint*
:D
i want some spiked sneakers.
they'll protect my poor feet from certain elephants ;D
and the eclipse movie was not bad actually.
too many kissing scenes but rather hilarious sometimes.
and omg i can't stand how robert pattinson's jaw looked weird throughout the whole movie.
it's not that bad in other pics zzz.
"from now on i'm switzerland!"
HAHAHA.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
bloody basket
WHY IS IT OVER.
I DON'T WANT IT END CAN WE TRY AGAIN FROM THE BEGINNING.
I HATE THAT I KEEP DOING THE SAME STUPID THINGS AND GET UPSET
AND DO IT AGAIN ANYWAY.
DAMMIT SO MUCH PRECIOUS TIME GONE DOWN THE DRAIN.
AGAIN!
I DON'T WANT IT END CAN WE TRY AGAIN FROM THE BEGINNING.
I HATE THAT I KEEP DOING THE SAME STUPID THINGS AND GET UPSET
AND DO IT AGAIN ANYWAY.
DAMMIT SO MUCH PRECIOUS TIME GONE DOWN THE DRAIN.
AGAIN!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
cause all my glass shoes break
gee, time really flew.holidays are ending soon; so must my self-denial.
now's a really bad time to start reading fanfiction again.
---
we all have our histories.
---
Cinderella are you really that happy?
Cinderella are you really that lucky?
I wanna know is your life like you dreamed?
---
we all have our histories.
---
Cinderella are you really that happy?
Cinderella are you really that lucky?
I wanna know is your life like you dreamed?
Monday, June 21, 2010
hadeehahuh?
sold one of the shoes away today. it was unexpectedly hard to let go.
but never gonna let go of my potions.
ever.
---
anyway, saturday = bounty-less shopping + food food foooood
+ oreo cheesecake and 17 candles
i feel so old. the pups are so old too.
amber looks adorable hahas.
---
on another random note, i now have a portable hard drive.
joey you can stop laughing now -.-
but never gonna let go of my potions.
ever.
---
anyway, saturday = bounty-less shopping + food food foooood
+ oreo cheesecake and 17 candles
i feel so old. the pups are so old too.amber looks adorable hahas.
---on another random note, i now have a portable hard drive.
joey you can stop laughing now -.-
Thursday, June 17, 2010
cast away; cast off; cast about; cast in stone
i wish i'd done more stupid things when i still could.---
holidays are like money; you waste them in small amounts
and in the end you realise everything's gone.
---
books are like adventures,
it's the journey that matters, not the destination.
don't ever read the ending first.
don't ever rush through the pages.
relish every word and delight in every intense emotion.
savor it because the first time is always special.
---
i need to sleep. badly.
i want to.
but not yet.
tossing around in bed is a waste of time.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
to tame your wild wild heart
i don't want to mug. i really don't. especially since everyone is mugging.
that makes very little sense, doesn't it?
i can't make myself care enough but i'll do it out of guilt.
cause the marks don't matter to me, but i hate seeing the disappointment in their eyes.
in the end it's not my choice to make and this isn't my life to waste.
I don't mean to close the door
but for the record my heart is sore
you blew through me like bullet holes
left stains on my sheets and stains on my soul
- werewolf by cocorosie
that makes very little sense, doesn't it?
i can't make myself care enough but i'll do it out of guilt.
cause the marks don't matter to me, but i hate seeing the disappointment in their eyes.
in the end it's not my choice to make and this isn't my life to waste.
I don't mean to close the door
but for the record my heart is sore
you blew through me like bullet holes
left stains on my sheets and stains on my soul
- werewolf by cocorosie
how long have you been seventeen; awhile
wow. it only just sunk in that i have 11 days left before i turn 17.
better make best use of it to be as immature as possible.
i'm gonna miss being 16.
T.T
better make best use of it to be as immature as possible.
i'm gonna miss being 16.
T.T
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
to change a name is to change a life
i realised that this blog has been on a crash course to nowhere. my posts are too cryptic for even me to understand sometimes. there's so much i want to say, but sometimes things are just better left unsaid.
maybe it'll all get better once everything is done and we can all take a breather.
and of course, thank you for bringing back so many beautiful memories that got buried beneath the hubbub of life. it was just a brief moment, a few mere minutes, but you made my day. and i'm sure everyone will laugh if they truly knew what i was referring to, but i've always been a little weird so leave me be to enjoy my solace from unexpected places.
i hope i'll dream of you tonight.
it's been some time since i last did.
maybe it'll all get better once everything is done and we can all take a breather.
and of course, thank you for bringing back so many beautiful memories that got buried beneath the hubbub of life. it was just a brief moment, a few mere minutes, but you made my day. and i'm sure everyone will laugh if they truly knew what i was referring to, but i've always been a little weird so leave me be to enjoy my solace from unexpected places.
i hope i'll dream of you tonight.
it's been some time since i last did.
Monday, June 07, 2010
meaning that nothing can scratch its surface
i wonder if i ever had it.
or will i find it when the time comes?
or will i find it when the time comes?
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Friday, June 04, 2010
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
how we were young and stupid
SHITTTTTT SO MUCH TO DO.what's the point of medicine when you can't take it.
i mean, if i fall asleep who's gonna do my eom.
and learn origami.
and do my econs tutorial.
I HATE ORIGAMI BTW NO OFFENCE BUT IT'S BEYOND ME.
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