showering seems to be an activity that inspires interesting introspection. that's good i guess, since it's been a while since my last non-random post. actually, this is rather random, but bear with me.
and before someone misinterprets the word because of the context, wikipedia tells me "Introspection is the self-observation and reporting of conscious inner thoughts, desires and sensations. It is a conscious mental and usually purposive process relying on thinking, reasoning, and examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and, in more spiritual cases, one's soul."
so let's see. oh yes. the other day i asked my mum if she was happy being "retired". after a lot of bush abusing, i surmised that she's happier, upon which i proceeded to tell her that i shall look forward to my retirement then.
which unfortunately will be a long time for now.
then again, maybe not. i don't want a job that will take up all my time. i want a job that i can distinctly separate from my life, because i don't want to live for my work. that's the complete antithesis of the "get a job that you love, and it won't be a job anymore" advice but i lack that all-consuming singular passion for one thing that will keep me happy for a long long time. i'd like to be able to do try different things, including stupid ones but hey, what's a life without bittersweet regrets.
i wonder why i'm thinking about such distant possibilities. i mean, i'm 17; but since, the first 17 years of my life have passed rather quickly and mundanely, i suspect the next 17 might too. oh dear. and the idea of dying in bed with children x n + grandchildren x n^2 around is just downright frightening me. honestly, i think i will try to avoid that if possible. (i guess i'm not as family-oriented, but hey we're all different people so don't judge me for my insanities)
so... i seem to have lost track of what i wanted to say after my internet folded up into a little paper plane and kamikaze-d into the mess that is my desk. and i should sleep soon. so let's just do a quick summary of everything.
on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the happiest, i will rate today as an 8. i got to see friends, ate some good food, watched some nice shows (hey charlie's angels is classic), drank my oreo crush with minipearls, read fanfic, lied on the floor with my dogs staring at the ceiling, etc. i guess that makes it a good and satisfying day. and no, mugging didn't play a significant part of it. i should feel guilty/worried/stressed out, but my conscience is somewhere out there orbiting a giant lump of space matter so "nitwik! blubber! oddment! tweak!", whatever that means.
and i need to stop depriving my body of sleep. then again, this probably isn't as bad as it gets and here i am wanting to continue that line of thought that reminds of a conversation with jen. when does it become self-harm? and we weren't talking about sleeping habits but that's another thing for another day, though i am starting to get a little worried about that issue and i shall chew on it for awhile before i put my foot in my mouth again, as usual. so good night, whoever comes to my little piece of the net and wow, you actually read all that?
