hello i am

"Few of us get to know and understand the moment when our childhood ends and out adulhood begins. In childhood, all our feelings are simple and easy. Nothing is really very complicated. We want this; we can’t have that. We love this person; we don’t love or even like that one. We’re excused from responsibilities or agree to our little chores. Our decisions are about things so trivial that later on, it makes us laugh at how much weight and importance we put on them. There is, after all, no greater dispensation, no excusing and forgiving coming from anything as much as from our youth. We are protected by the simple phrase, too young to know or appreciate the full extent of her actions."
-Secrets in the Attic by V.C. Andrews

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy.
But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable.
You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real—but you create the context. And the context is everything.
The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
-Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story by Chuck Klosterman

so many books i want to read but there's no time to :(

sighhhhh eye hurts

macaroni

"You've got nothing to lose. Many people don't allow themselves to love, precisely because of that, because there are a lot of things at risk, a lot of future and a lot of past. In your case, there is only the present."

- Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coelho

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the present's really all we've got; we can't bring the past back or push the future forward, so in the end we can only do things while we're in the here and now.

c'est la vie

Alice: That’s the most stupid expression in the world. ‘I fell in love’ - as if you had no choice. There’s a moment, there’s always a moment; I can do this, I can give in to this or I can resist it. I don’t know when your moment was but I bet there was one.

Anna: Yes, there was.

Alice: You didn’t fall in love, you gave in to temptation.

-Closer by Patrick Marber

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Zedka: Do you remember the first question I ever asked you?

Veronika: Yes, you asked me if i knew what being mad meant?

Zedka: Exactly. This time I'm not going to tell you a story. Madness is the inability to communicate your ideas. It's as if you were in a foreign country, able to see and understand everything that's going on around you, but incapable of explaining what you need to know or of being helped, because you don't understand the language they speak there.

Veronika: We've all felt that.

Zedka: And all of us, one way or another, are mad.

-Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coelho

"She hated the love she had been given, because it had asked for nothing in return, which was absurd, unreal, against the laws of nature. That love asking for nothing in return had managed to fill her with guilt, with a desire to fulfil another's expectations, even if that meant giving up everything she had dreamed of for herself. It was a love that for years had tried to hide from her the difficulties and the corruption that existed in the world, ignoring the fact that, one day, she would have to find this out, and would then be defenceless against them."

-Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coelho

i feel like dog-earing so many pages in this book just so that i can go back to my favourite paragraphs and read them over and over again but i somehow can't bear to deface my book like that.

and i really feel like changing this ghastly blogskin.

if all i'm dreaming

wheee this has been quite a good week and i am vaguely high even though i should be going to sleep. but oh wells, just to update this space...

"i think i wanna marry youuu~~~"

;D

and omg i'm so happy i got new cleats, my old battle-scarred pair should have been retired a long long time ago. i'm rather looking forward to this coming week; fun with the special friend and best friends, a nice rest day on friday and possible teengames on saturday. now, if only my fringe would just grow about 1000000000 times faster and all would be dandy.

and please visit http://project-odd.com to buy stuff and help us raise funds for club rainbow! we're still quite far from our targeted amount but i think we can do it! yes yes yessssss~ please buy to donate yepyeps~

and i'm craving apple strudel right now still ]:

hold the ocean in your hands

ho ho ho, PROJECT ODD's collection 2 has launcheddddd~!

NOW PANIC AND SHOP HERE

inadequate

"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you."

- Jeanette Winterson

you gotta believe them

life has been like walking 5 dogs all at once, which honestly is a real headache; but not impossible, no definitely not. you just have to keep them all in sight and step quickly before they trip you with their leashes. know where you want to go and stick to your path; deviate only for greener grass. beware of bigger dogs... and signposts that appear out of nowhere.

this is really the strangest analogy ever.

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ive been super tired recently, and i'm starting to neglect homework. not a very good idea, but old habits die hard :/ actually i can't remember what i wanted to post about but it's been so long since my last post that i feel like i should have one, if only just so that my future self xxx months from now wont check back and wonder "did i fall down a hole or something?" there isn't much to write about concerning school, except i think im starting to get on a lot of teachers' bad sides, oops.

attachment at mt pleasant has been amazing fun and even though weekends aren't exactly rest days anymore, i really still look forward to them. i think i'd be happy working in an environment like that, even though it's rather tiring. but i love how its so dynamic and every day is different, despite doing many routine things. but the feeling of working with animals is just... amazing and the staff there are all so friendly. i guess it'll suffice to say that i'm glad i applied for the attachment :)