choked

There's this uncomfortable knot of feelings stuck in my chest. A massive tangle of feelings about the end of the first academic year, my poor academic performance, my friendships, the future, the past... everything. And it keeps growing; after every paper more webs of disappointment and bitter-sweet relief weaves itself in and the knot gets bigger. Excitement's there too. The days are counting down.  Fear. There's a lot of fear. I'm so very afraid of this summer and what it means. For everything. So many things. I don't want to study for my Monday paper. I want to sit in a corner, float away and let my subconscious debug itself.