I add the context for a reason. They love what they're doing; they believe in the work that engineers do. It's crazy. The sheer amount of school work they have is frightening but they want to be engineers and it becomes worth it. One of them once told me that he treats his work seriously because he knows that in the future, he, through his work, will be responsible for the lives of others. I respect him a lot for that. Sometimes I wish more people think like him.
Generally, it seems that many of the people I've met are doing what they want. I'm envious. One guy in my OG wants to be an economics professor in the future; he literally lives on econs now. It's amazing how passion makes such a huge difference. I wish I knew how that felt. It makes me wonder what I'd be like if I weren't studying biz.
But I know that's not a path I should let my mind wander down any longer. I tried to get a second chance but sometimes there's no such thing as second chances. I did what I could and submitted my scholarship applications but no reply came back. Guess that's the way it is; there's a time for everything and you only get one chance in life. Strangely, a line from the Harry Potter books came to me today. It's by Dumbledore: "it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." That line is so apt I don't know why I've never recalled it before today. But it's true. I need to stop dwelling on an impossible dream and move on. I need to stop thinking of biz as a temporary thing but as a permanent path in my life. I'm a business student and that won't change anymore. I need to look at what I'm doing in NUS and sort my plans out; no more hovering in the limbo of "I might drop out and change to vet" because there's no more "might". I never will; there's no point hoping for that interview email because if it were coming, it would have came earlier. I should know since after all, I've gone through this once already. And I screwed up. It's time to face reality.
And it's a depressing reality. I feel miserable surrounded by people who are doing what they want while I slog away at a course that I don't enjoy. The sad thing is, I can't be who I want to be so I simply try to be the best that I can be. But it's hard; there are days where I feel like I should just not bother with my school work because I don't see any point in it.
The only lucky thing is that there's no one else in biz from my angsana OG. My OG has become some of my closest NUS friends so that just means I'm not close to anyone from biz. I don't do my work with any biz friends, I don't go to biz lectures with any friends, I don't choose modules/tutorials with any biz friends. Somehow, I really like that. There's hardly any peer pressure at all. The very nature of biz makes it a very competitive course and I relish this freedom from having people I need to keep up with or compare my performance to. It's just OTOT for me. That's the only silver lining I have. I see so many opportunities to become closer friends with people but I don't take them. I worry about that; so much about biz hangs on networking. I need to stop trying to distance myself from a reality that I can't change.
But that's easier said than done. I wish I knew someone in a similar situation but again, so many people seem to be doing what they want. And I don't think I'm heading anywhere with this; I mostly wanted to get it off my mind. It's 4.14am now so I'll get back to my econs.
But that's easier said than done. I wish I knew someone in a similar situation but again, so many people seem to be doing what they want. And I don't think I'm heading anywhere with this; I mostly wanted to get it off my mind. It's 4.14am now so I'll get back to my econs.
