even if it hurts I can't slow down

Another tangle of emotions I need to force out but it's too knotted up with everything else. Not going to try tonight.

A line I can relate to from the book I'm reading: If I look back, I am lost.

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

So much to do this holidays! Driving and FOC... It's tiring but being tired is good. It means I'm actually doing something haha! But still, being productive is so tiring. I hope I get to spend Friday curled up in bed with a book.

Note to self: what I've spent my new holiday freedom doing...
13/05: Driving + Logs meeting
14/05: Shelter + Driving
15/05: Logs sourcing + Iron Man 3 (awesomeeee!)
16/05: Sleep in day hahaha
17/05: Driving + Logs admin
18/05: Logs admin
19/05: Driving + cleared cupboard
20/05: Driving + Logs admin
21/05: Baked cookies + Minds Cafe + FOC meeting

Hmms... Listed out like that it feels as if I haven't been doing much hahaha. I think all the empty time has been spent on online shopping and reading heehee. Anyway, time to get started on some logs admin. So boringggg~ I'll do a proper post to reflect on my first academic year another time hahas.

And I need to find time to start on a knitting project for this summer!

clean slate

Time to stop dwelling on dreams;

and learn to live.

choked

There's this uncomfortable knot of feelings stuck in my chest. A massive tangle of feelings about the end of the first academic year, my poor academic performance, my friendships, the future, the past... everything. And it keeps growing; after every paper more webs of disappointment and bitter-sweet relief weaves itself in and the knot gets bigger. Excitement's there too. The days are counting down.  Fear. There's a lot of fear. I'm so very afraid of this summer and what it means. For everything. So many things. I don't want to study for my Monday paper. I want to sit in a corner, float away and let my subconscious debug itself.