Thursday, December 31, 2009

Do you remember when we fell in love

i saw them in october and i knew it was love. for $159.41, i guess love doesn't come cheap.

in a few minutes it'll be 2010. somehow it feels more significant since we're going into the 10s. and it'll be JC next year too. another big step. i'll be 17 in june too; the world would have gone on for a year without him.

usually people tell you to look forward, to not let the past hold you down. but right now, i just don't want to let go. i guess some of us hated it, because seeing the same people almost everyday for 4 years can't be healthy. we start to see their bad points and then they start to rub us the wrong way; reminds me of family actually.

there was never much opportunity to be someone new; everyone knew you and they expected you to be... you. but that's not to say we never changed. the changes were often small, a gradual sort of thing, but when i look back it's just so amazing how we're so different.

and of course, there is always something special about a familiar environment. you're just more comfortable with everyone, like wearing a broken-in shoe, and you can make this random remark and everyone will know that you were referring to that event such many years ago. people have expectations of you, but you can also expect them to know what you like and dislike, what you want, what you'd enjoy.

even though school has ended for what seems like infinity already, it suddenly dawned on me that my 4 years of nanyang life are over. next year there'll be another bunch of 16 year old girls, all thinking about their life and their friends, their dreams and their fears. and even though we all went through the same education, moving along the same tunnel in life, somehow at the end of the tunnel, we'll branch out into our separate paths. i guess xeo was the first to start off, and it struck me then how brave she was to do something different. you go girl ;D

in two years it'll be the same thing again. with more of us going overseas, and sending a friend off at the airport will be a common occurence. there will always be ups and downs; bumps will come along and rock the boat. but i guess there's something we all have that no one else will. 4 years as thirteeners; it sounds so long yet it felt so short.

so it's hc next year. time to move on. i feel as if im letting go of the rope and letting myself fall into a chasm of unpenetrable darkness. i can only hope i'll learn to fly.


When you start on your journey to Ithaka,
then pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
Do not fear the Lestrygonians
and the Cyclopes and the angry Poseidon.
You will never meet such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine emotion
touches your body and your spirit.
You will never meet the Lestrygonians,
the Cyclopes and the fierce Poseidon,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not raise them up before you.

Then pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many,
that you will enter ports seen for the first time
with such pleasure, with such joy!
Stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and corals, amber and ebony,
and pleasurable perfumes of all kinds,
buy as many pleasurable perfumes as you can;
visit hosts of Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from those who have knowledge.

Always keep Ithaka fixed in your mind.
to arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for long years;
and even to anchor at the isle when you are old,
rich with all that you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaka will offer you riches.

Ithaka has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have taken the road.
But she has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka has not defrauded you.
With the great wisdom you have gained, with so much experience,
you must surely have understood by then what Ithaka means.

-- Constantine Cavafy

Happy New Year.