muahaha I'm back!
Anddd..today's topic is.. the Damsels in Distress!
ARGH i cannot stand damsels in distresses. Like for example in those mediocre fantasy stories:
The poor thing is usually a royal princess/powerful mage/Captain Universe but somehow therewould be a proverbial wrench in the works, causing her to quite conveniently lose her powers, but never, Heaven forbid, her feminine charms.
Next comes along this strapping young chap, and the almighty evil villain who seeks to rule the world. For some reason or another, the strapping young fool would go, "Ar, you nasty scallywag! I'll tear your head off your shoulders!" So off he goes, dragging along the poor maiden along with him. Surrounding them, of course, would be a Band of Would-be Heroes, which will pale in comparison to the sole might of the protagonist.
So off they go! After some trials and tribulations, in which all escape unscathed, either a) the villian kidnaps the damsel or b) she slumps tragically on the floor due to some magical parasite/fatal disease/H1N1. Either way, the damsel feels compelled, no matter how strong and pro her character is, to warble "save me! save me!" in a more lyrical and poetic way. Then she says "Oh! Why not leave me behind! I am unimportant to our collectuve quest!" Hence, she cleverly guilt-trips the lad, who then feels honour-bound to save her.
Which he does, pretending all the while that it is a difficult and heroic quest to undertake. And after several more damsel in distress situations, he fights the villian, who simply cannot win against his sheer power of true love/desperation/insanity. They then return home and live happily ever after.
The flaws and contradictions in characters never cease to surprise, as do the sheer helplessness of these damsels and amount of poetry spouted in times when they are supposed to be running for their collective lives. Why is it that there are only damsels in distress and never men in mess? It would be an awfully funny story to read. Imagining a man in a woman's situation is always loads funnier than a woman in a man's situation.
