ROADRUNNER BEEP ROADRUNNER

wahaha i really converted to the new blogger template, though it's not as simple as i thought it was. still needed to do some css styling cause the original template was just so... standardized.

and BLOCKS ARE OVER YOZZZ. okay so they have been for like 1 day and this is kinda late to be celebrating it but wheeeeeeeeeeeeee~ life has been good so far even though today did not go as planned and that was quite :( but ish okayz derre's tmrx and ivp will be fun. i hope earth hour/ultimate mini-outing will be too :D

and omg nydc's oreo cheesecake... @@ tonguegasmic!! i will get to trying all their cakes i dont care screw my resolutions ^^ but okay all things in moderation before i get too fat to fit through mrt gantries D:

and recently i've been thinking about things that make me happy and wow the list just keeps getting longer. maybe i'll post it one day if i can dredge it out from my bottomless pit of muses :D and have you ever wondered where the looney tunes characters who fall into big black holes end up? what could possibly be on the other side of a flat 2D plane :/

when everything but your heart aches

wow. i'm surprisingly calm this time round and i guess i should be off to start revising bio. kudos to all those who had the sense to start earlier, much much earlier. oh wells, tonight i am a vampire.

honestly, i just can't wait for thursday and the last paper to be over; i'm going to curl up and sleep for a few centuries.

freezeframe

the week's ending again :( normally i look forward to fridays and today was a special friday but because of the terrible things that take place next week, today wasn't a very nice friday. i'm just not ready for next week to happen; i completely haven't touched bio and econs and they're the heavy content subjects, which is probably why i've been avoiding them. the other two aren't doing much better either but nvm, not graded so no need to stress out over them that much. *breatheeeee* and ivp tmr, so excited~ i hope we don't get owned too badly :S

anyway, random thought: why do so many people like starbucks' green tea frapp? the other drinks are nice too! oh and random comment: the best thing about using the starbucks tumbler is that you can violently shake your frapp once it starts separating into the ice and coffee layers :D

and even more random comment: i feel like converting to the new blogger template system but it feels as if i'm betraying all my (already dying off) coding roots. no more styling #containers and .headers and just drag boxes around or select options in drop down menus etc etc etc. urgh geek moment.

okay so since this post is so random and trivial, here's a short excerpt from the story book i'm reading (yes i'm still reading them even though blocks are next week whee~)

"It starts out young -- you try not to be different just to survive -- you try to be just like everyone else -- anonymity becomes reflexive -- and then one day you wake up and you've become all those other people -- the others -- the something you aren't. And you wonder if you can ever be what it is you really are. Or you wonder if it's too late to find out." - Microserfs by Douglas Coupland

the amount of food for thought in the book is kinda amazing, especially since everything just sort of flows out in simple everyday conversational words and you don't actually know what it was in the book that strikes you or made an impact but as you read you realise that somehow you weren't the person you were when you were at page 1 and yet somehow you can't pinpoint what's changed. and wow. long sentence. but yeah, the beauty of books ^^

ok i sort of got distracted and i don't remember what other completely unrelated stuff i wanted to add so tata for now~

omfgggggg

this is not a good different.

where did my priorities and self-control go?

you make my heart have premature ventricular contractions

last words of...
sirius black
albus dumbledore
charity burbage
dobby
fred weasley
severus snape
tom riddle

i can't believe how incredibly distracted i am today and i feel like indulging in some harrypotterfanfic goodness but wow, it's been 3months or more since i last read one. i'm amazed how i managed to quit my biggest addiction without any withdrawal symptoms. even my sis noticed :O

and i've taken to looking at photos of amazing food and wondering where i can get them. this is very counterproductive. and even though it's way too early... *hints zinc/ying*

birthday cake maybe? ;D

and gosh it's been going round and round in my head:

so beautiful~~~

my heart is like the open highway

hellos me homeys~ it's been awhile again and this week was generally kinda awesome till i had some really unintended flipout yesterday but oh wells, what has happened has happened. i'm kinda freaked out by how i have to start figuring out my future and then working to make the future i want happen but that's for another day. need more action and less procrastinating/regretting.

but main point is, VISIT PROJECT-ODD.COM yeah~!
(and i present to you, the xinlin shrine lollll @@)

yepyeps, all profits are donated to charity, meaning Club Rainbow (Singapore) in this case. They help children (and their families) who are suffering from chronic/life-threatening illnesses and oh gosh i have typed that out so many times i feel like such a doofus. i hate that i have to try and add emotional hooks just to get some people to purchase stuff. like cmon, we're not even asking for donations or anything and people have to give so much crap then backout/deadbuyer and all that rubbish. ok nvm. and oh the collection actually launched monday 7th march and i'm only posting now because i am the ultimate lagger tyvm.

gee, what a random post :/ and listening to acoustic bon jovi songs in the car was really kinda surreal *.*

when you know nothing at all

i wanted to post something as a reminder to myself the other day but never got to doing it. but i guess there isn't much time to do that today too so i shall try to not... ramble :/ (omg blood donation was rather surreal)

anyway, it's strange how the people who should be the ones encouraging you turn out to be the ones who make you doubt yourself the most. they'll never see these words, but thanks for all the constant reminders to "stop pretending, you know you can't do it". many years ago i thought i wanted something but you all told me that i didn't actually want it, so geez okay maybe i didn't know myself and you guys knew better.

that said and half a lifetime of doubting myself later, i realise that i do still want that, so i think it's time for you people to shut the fuck up and not tell me what i care and not care about. you don't know me anymore. perhaps you did when i was younger, but i've changed and it's time that you stop acting like you know better. you really don't, because you only see what you want to see. but warped as it is, i'm still thankful because the self-doubt and self-reflection only helped me better understand myself. i know what a terribly flawed person i am and there's no need for you to throw it at me every single day. and really, please don't presume you know the motivation behind my very action because honestly, you couldn't be more wrong.

some part of me wonders if i turned out the way i am because of what you said, that i don't care because you told me that i didn't, that i'm lazy and self-centered and irresponsible and goal-less and shallow and useless because you told me that was the kind of person i am. but that's just me trying to push the blame to you and self-fulfilling prophecies, because in the end i guess it's my fault for being so weak-minded that i believed everything you told me.

that stops now though, because i'm not some impressionable young kid anymore and i don't want to be the kind of person that you say i am.

"The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of star stuff."
- Carl Sagan

asdfzxcvjkl

dammit i was supposed to be doing work; urgh distractions T.T and i wish my lappie's graphics thingy will stop randomly crashing. and i want to make a new blogskin again, it's been way too long and this skin is pissing me off; too muted rarh. oh and i need to make a skin for project-odd~ ok this is really random :/ and i hate it that i piss myself off and yet still do nothing about it.

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"There were people who believed their opportunities to live a fulfilled life were hampered by the number of Asians in England, by the existence of a royal family, by the volume of traffic that passed by their house, by the malice of trade unions, by the power of callous employers, by the refusal of the health service to take their condition seriously, by communism, by capitalism, by atheism, by anything, in fact, but their own futile, weak-minded failure to get a fucking grip."
- Stephen Fry

i need to freaking get a grip on my life; must. not. screw. this. up. any. further.

just a fucked up girl looking for my own peace of mind

and in my mind too, for that matter

shooting stars through your heart

most of the photos are by my sis, it was quite funny to come home and find her busying about my room in semi-darkness. and i think i've been playing too much henhouse, my eyes are going a little @@. anyway this is me procrastinating again~~

on a history book page

"How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us? How is it we can survive them, at least for a little while? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise?"
-Don DeLillo

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it's been awhile since i blogged and it kinda bugs me to leave such big gaps in my entries; i'm just the kind of person who likes to be able to trace how i've spent my time. so yeps, cny was cny, lots of omnomnom-ing and visiting with the ying jo zinc chels was beyond awesome. the same old chomping away at all the snacks and then pingpong at zinc's again.

2010...



2011...

cool right? ;D and lol ying and i are a joke teehee. our expressions (L) oh that reminds me, i have random sequences to gif >D tee hee hee. and yay more photos for my wall :D and not the facebook one, because if you thought of that first you seriously need to stop thinking of that site; my sis stayed up all night replying to her birthday well wishes, tsk.

oh yes, my parents baked a cake for her :O nothing compared to the one zinc made for ying but hey, i'm impressed haha.

and oh yes, orientation campfire was... nostalgic.


i just look at the j1s and wonder, wow were we really that happy? jc was a whole new adventure, and quoting our batch song "this ain't just another journey, not just another story, it won't be just like the rest, cause hwachong's ours to remember". the memories (L) - gotta hold on to them and make many more.

"No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel someday."
- Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk

but i believe

thought about so many things today, but i guess this isn't the place so a very belated
HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!
---
live like you're dying,
because you are.

one foot front of the other

well hello again folks, it's been awhile. school, as usual, was a mad rush of tutorials, assignments, lectures and all that. i don't really know what i want to blog about because too much time has passed too quickly and i can't discern one day from the other. so yes, school is tiring. and seeing the j1's orientation just makes me envious and scared at the same time. because wow, we're really j2s now. it's our last year; gotta make it count.

rarh okay i got distracted by some stuff we were doing in gp today. being a free thinker just leaves too much grey area to cover and i can't decide what i am. do i believe in god? well i guess so. but a specific god? not really, i don't actually know enough about any anyway. so i guess i'm a deist?

ok so back to trying to recall how i just spent the last 10 ten days and... i don't remember. someone should just hit me on the head, multiple times too. actually no i take that back, i think too many people would want to try :O

oh oh oh yes i remember now :D and all the happy feelings have flooded back in and this is an awesome floaty feeling and i'm not making sense. right. so sat (22/1) was SAT day then tuition then paranormal activities 1 + saw 7 at home with good company. basically involved lots of ceiling-staring and other things; pretty amazing 24 hours yes... monday (24/1) home-based learning so nothing big about that. late night walk was (y) hahas.

and then school started again and then everything is just one blur of too much work and too little sleep. oh yes, first h3 pharm chem lecture and tutorial. zzz i'm not sure if i can handle it but we'll see. and then this weekend... went for training on sat then tuition then movie.

and ahhhh i can't get over what happened today. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. it was so... coincidental. and all because of a fortune cookie. ah well, what's happened has happened. i'm rather relieved that it's finally out.

cause everybody's heart don't beat the same

you mean it's only been two weeks?!
god it feels like months already;
so unbelievably and depressingly tired.
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"Where did the past six minutes go?
When time is used up, does it go to some kind of place like a junkyard?
Or down a river like the waters beneath Niagara falls?
Does time evaporate and turn into rain and start all over again?"
- All Families Are Psychotic by Douglas Coupland

we all live in a yellow submarine

yes i'm feeling nostalgic;
i'm glad we had so much fun when we still could.
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it was a good day today, i guess growing up just brings in new kinds of fun ;D

the walls they crash through

we accept what we think we deserve;;

"Then, I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be."
- The perks of being a wallflower

expecto patronum

should i sleep early today? there's so much to do and study, but it's not going to make much of a difference anyway. i'm too distracted, wasting time, etc. and see, this is why my blog posts are always so shallow, i just type without much thinking and all these random surface thoughts just find their way into the little box on the screen.

anyway, since being a student for the most part of my life has left me defining my calender years as school years, the year doesn't feel like it's started yet so therefore by that same illogical reasoning my new year resolutions are still on time.

1. stay close to the people that matter
2. don't let the bitches and bastards get me down
3. read many many many beautiful books
4. eat more good food and drink lots of starbucks dark choc mocha
5. lose the weight i gained in 2010
6. retire from my position as professional sloth and become an active potato (so that i have some chance of accomplishing number 4)
7. attain muggerhood
8. do well for a levels

:/ i wonder if they're in order of importance; honestly, i'm not sure.

rainbows for your eyes to see

so i guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.
and maybe we'll never know most of them.
but even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from,
we can still choose wherever we go from there. we can still do things.
and we can try to feel okay about them.
- the perks of being a wallflower
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i'm feeling very... empty.

there's a hole in the ceiling downstairs

so damn happy;;